Parents: Talk the talk

Discussing dating and relationships with your teenager may seem intimidating. But the parenting experts we spoke to asserted that discussing these issues with your teen is crucial for them to develop a healthy perspective.

Earlier this week, media outlets reported that David Beckham was apparently giving dating tips to his 15-year-old son Brooklyn. The reports claimed that the football star had been explaining to Brooklyn how relationships work at his age, giving him a reality check as well. For many parents, talking to their growing teen about dating and relationships may seem like an intimidating task. But the experts we spoke to, asserted that today’s parenting demands that children be kept in the know about these matters to promote healthy relationships.

Start the discussion Parenting expert Freyaz Shroff explains that dating today is more complex than ever, since the first relationship often sets the stage for relationships in the future. She says, “It is imperative for parents to explain to their teenagers what lies ahead. It is better that parents approach the topic about dating and relationships rather than children hearing it from their peers. Dating also influences one’s confidence and self-esteem and parents need to give them the right push so that they know absolutely what they are getting into.”

Set realistic expectations Information over the Net is taking over our lives, and it is happening at a pace that isn’t age appropriate; hence “the birds and bees” lecture can end up being inadequate and out of place. Life coach Chetna Mehrotra explains that it is quite normal for kids to know about topics that they would have ideally learnt four-five years later in previous generations. She says, “Thanks to the Internet and even pop culture, it has become quite normal for kids to witness adults in kissing and more. As parents, you need to notice their body language changing at regular intervals (around nine years) towards these concepts.” She cautions that there shouldn’t be any shame or stigma attached to it. “If parents are uncomfortable, one could also take help of a few books. But the idea here is to talk about it. Teenagers need to get the right information as well as feel healthy about these topics.” Chetna suggests that as a parent, discussing ones courtship period also helps. She adds, “By the time, the child is 13-14, you could talk about how you met your partner and decided to tie the knot. It is also good if one of the parents could talk about a failed relationship, if the parent had any. This could help the child cope with theirs too and accept the vulnerability.”

Keep channels open It is quite possible that the teenager has some knowledge about dating and sex from their peers. Life coach Khyati Birla says, “Try not to react negatively upon learning about your child’s interest in the opposite gender. It is only natural. The good thing about this age though, is that parental approval and acceptance still matters a lot to them. Keep an open channel of communication with your children at all times to get an idea about what they are up to. Deal with such matters respectfully and practically. For instance, do not talk negatively about their crush, and certainly do not shun your child’s curiosity.”

Be respectful While talking to your teen about dating and relationships, make sure you communicate with them in a gentle tone. The key here is to treat the teenager as an individual and help build their personality. Freyaz concludes, “Understand that you aren’t there to lecture them. You need to help them become responsible individuals. Only then will your teenager take you seriously. Most importantly, be respectful when talking to your teen about dating and relationships. Make them feel that you are there for them whenever they require you. This will improve your teenager’s self-esteem.”