Begin again

They parted ways five years ago, and yet still pine for each other. In the years that have passed since they first separated, it also occurred to them that the grass is not greener on the other side. Their egos have prevented them from getting back together, along with fears, preconceived notions based on the past and apprehensions about getting back to the no-win situation they had intended to leave behind. All these are parts of a larger negative approach that I feel prevents the positives of the relationship that can re-emerge from the silence.

She’s begun Reiki to deal with her emotions and he’s just dealing with them like men do, by putting a cap on it and convincing himself that he’s better off without her. What do you say Should they get back together and get on with life

These ruminations occurred when I met two girlfriends last week, both of whom nostalgically recounted the loves of their lives whom they’d lost after they couldn’t handle some discord. They were sure that they would never find anyone like the men they’d lost. Here’s what I feel about their situation: the maxim written in stone is that human beings are imperfect. You cannot change a being but you can work around a situation with composure and humour. If you have come to a place where you feel you can accept a person with love, flaws and all, you’re more than halfway to a win-win scenario. Your newfound wisdom and tolerance makes up for the rest of the way. There has to be a mature understanding behind this decision though, not an impulsive jump back to what can be a ‘War of the Roses’ sequel.

To my mind, a forward-looking approach that sidesteps the blame-game raking up the past is the best way to go, with a fresh positive assertion that you can make it work.

The best case scenario is that there is still love. Work with the positives to make things work as well as they can. If you’ve been longing for him for years, he might just be worth it. Any effort you put in could lead you both to a rewarding outcome — a happy, fulfilling relationship.

The constructive approach to this must begin with the ego being set aside and replaced with empathy. Remember that you went into this because you believe you are soulmates. Love can win enemies, move mountains and most of all make relationships of any variety work. This perspective certainly makes a re-partnering the rewarding experience you’ve been pining for.

The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com