The failure trap

How difficult it is to take failures, even small ones, I realised once again last week. After having driven cars for nearly 40 years in India and abroad, the examiner in Vienna failed me in my driving test. While some labelled it as a case of “anti-foreigner” syndrome, I painfully discovered how the feeling of failure and rejection dominated the rest of my day.

All of us, some more often than others, go through the experience of failure and/or rejection in life, like failure in exams or interviews; in things not working out as planned; failure in elections etc. The most common experience of rejection and failure is in love. And it is never easy to overcome the feeling of rejection and failure.

The usual questions of “why” and “how” could it happen to me, and “What wrong did I commit to deserve this ” keep haunting us. Sometime the feeling goes deep enough to drive individuals into worst kinds of depression. Such rejections can often drain our energy and hope.

Though not always easy, fortunately there is an in-built mechanism in us human beings to defeat our failures and rejections for we are all part of God’s beautiful creation. And ultimately it is in becoming aware of God’s presence within us that we would find the best solutions. It helps us tap God’s mighty power and absolute love abiding deep within us. The prayer of the Psalmist in the Bible reminds one, “If God is for us, who can be against us ” Prophet Isaiah expresses his experience of God even more beautifully: “Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you”.

The famous Dutch Catholic priest Henri Nouwen who combined psychology with theology and worked with mentally and physically handicapped people, wrote, “The real trap, however, is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticises me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody... I am no good... I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned”. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the “beloved”. Being the beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence. Having experienced God’s unstinted support, St. Paul could write as Jesus saying to him, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’.” And finally it is always good to remember that failures are the only way to become better and perfect.

Father Dominic Emmanuel, a founder-member of the Parliament of Religions, can be contacted at frdominic@gmail.com