Thursday, Mar 28, 2024 | Last Update : 04:00 PM IST

  Success trap

Success trap

Published : Jun 11, 2016, 10:24 pm IST
Updated : Jun 11, 2016, 10:24 pm IST

Success is the stuff of dreams, aspirations, fantasies. Often hard-won, at times a mere flick of fate. It has an aura, a sheen. It can be a meteoric rise to stardom, a legendary rags-to-riches.

Sunny Leone with husband Daniel Weber
 Sunny Leone with husband Daniel Weber

Success is the stuff of dreams, aspirations, fantasies. Often hard-won, at times a mere flick of fate. It has an aura, a sheen. It can be a meteoric rise to stardom, a legendary rags-to-riches. A strange and heady mix of sweat, grit, kismet, talent, dreams and daring. But it’s also a tricky element in the dynamics of human relationships. And many a marriage has struggled and splintered when the scales of success have tipped more generously in favour of one of the partners.

Traditionally, the wife has always been known to be the supportive presence behind a successful man. But in modern times, there are also wives who are more successful, celebrated, recognised and popular than their husbands. And it takes a very special man with a broad mindset to take pride in his wife being more successful than him, instead of letting ego come in the way and feeling piqued at walking a few steps behind her.

There are some who have got that right. And for those couples, it is love, and not success, that trumps all else.

Stars and the spotlight For stars, the center stage and spotlight are measures of success. The red carpet was the stage for a little spot of drama recently, when Abhishek Bachchan walked off, apparently in a huff, while being photographed with wife Aishwarya at the premiere of her movie Sarbjit. He was reportedly irritated at the photographers for focusing primarily on Ash and sidelining him. He strode away even as she struggled to compose her shocked expression. The pictures went viral and sparked a flurry of speculations and stories about their marriage being on the rocks, attributing that to Abhishek being insecure of Aishwarya’s stardom. An Abhimaan moment, the episode got labelled. But the couple quashed the rumours when soon after they were photographed on a late-night romantic drive.

A friend of the couple brushed off the awkward moment as: “Just a normal miyan-biwi tiff, a bad moment between the two caught on camera. Are they not human Can’t they have unguarded moments in public ”

And Abhishek put the lid on all speculation by reiterating his pride in his wife’s talent and achievements, “I am sorry to disappoint those looking for a scandal here. But we are very happily married and we intend to remain that way. I am very proud of my wife and all her achievements.”

A strong friendship Prof Pritimoy Bhattacharyya may not always be seen by the side of his high profile better half, chairperson of the country’s largest lender, SBI, Arundhati Bhattacharya, but the two always feel they are close to each other. “That’s because more than being husband and wife, we are very good friends. We plan and share everything. We share our joys and excitements, we share our worries and agonies, we share our professional challenges we share everything. We discuss and analyse various personal and professional situations and then discuss strategies together. Both of us love our work but more imporantly, we love and respect each other’s work,” says Bhattacharyya, former professor at Indian Institute of Technology Kharagpur (IIT-K).

Bhattacharyya is currently associated with Techno Group and Techno University in Kolkata, Kaziranga University in Assam, Raffles University in Rajasthan in the capacity of advisor and visiting faculty.

“Both of us are very busy and constantly on the move. Our contact time may be very less, but whenever we get time to be together, we enjoy it to the hilt. Arundhati, our daughter and I enjoy dining out, watching movies, theatre, cultural programmes. We also make it a point to take family trips at least twice a year and visit close relatives together, regularly. When we are together we enjoy the small pleasures of life,” says the low-key husband of the SBI chairperson.

The IIT alumnus and ex-professor of IIT has no complaints or regrets. “The most important things that keep us ticking is a strong bond, strong friendship and great understanding. I can understand that she cannot give as much time to our daughter as she would or our daughter would love to. I try to make up for that as much as I can,” says the soft-spoken Bhattacharyya.

Upbringing and values Upbringing and values inculcated in childhood often determine whether a man celebrates his wife’s achievements or feels threatened by them. For Sangita Reddy, Joint Managing Director, Apollo Hospitals, her husband is one of the strongest supportive pillars in her life.

“My husband, Konda Vishweshwar Reddy, has a bold frame of mind and he comes from a family where his sisters are highly educated and professional. He is used to being with working women in the family,” she says, adding, “He has also assisted me in my success as he has an IT background and has helped me in steering the IT initiatives in Apollo. Further, he has been accommodative of my travel schedules. He is a very confident person and in no way insecure about himself. Currently he is a Member of Parliament representing Telengana Rashtra Samiti from Chevella in Telengana and is more popular than me. Even in the early days, he was self-confident and self-assured. Part of it also comes from our understanding of each other.”

Partners at work The bold, beautiful and sexy Sunny Leone is a symbol of desire and fantasy. And her husband and business partner Daniel Weber easily shares her moment of glory, though not all men would be comfortable doing so. “I am proud of all of her achievements as we have built this brand together. Sunny Leone is a brand to us as Karenjit is my wife. Together we work hard and build it. It’s not a matter of comfort. It’s a matter of success,” says Daniel.

He doesn’t mind the spotlight focusing squarely on her. “She should enjoy the limelight as she is the one who is in front of the camera. She is who her fans want to see. I am proud of the business we built and enjoy watching her fans respond so well.”

Being her business manager and co-owner of their ventures, he handles her professional assignments also. But when asked if he attributes Sunny’s success to his being there for her always, he brushes it off good-humouredly and says, “I’m just doing the best I can at all times.”

Rock steady home front Trisha Bansal, wife of Binny Bansal, co-founder and CEO of Flipkart, who was recently voted the most successful entrepreneur by Forbes, plays the perfect role of a wife behind the scenes, and has her hands full managing a young marriage and life with a husband who leads a hectic lifestyle and is always travelling on work. “Contrary to popular belief, being the wife of a successful man is hard work. There are early mornings, late nights and working weekends which take a toll on Binny’s health. I ensure the house functions seamlessly,” says the young and beautiful Trisha, adding, “I also ensure he eats healthy and exercises at least thrice a week. Since Binny has to travel a lot on work, I’m not the types to crib and complain. I feel if I’m stressed out, it could pass on to him too. That’s why I like to keep myself occupied learning new skills and honing my hobbies instead of indulging in kitty parties and random lunch and dinner parties. I completed a course in German language from Goethe-Institut Max Mueller Bhavan. I’m also a fitness freak and a regular at Pilates classes. He’s a caring husband and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.”

Balance is the key Madhu Neotia isn’t just the wife of Harsh Neotia, chairman, Ambuja Neotia Group and national president, FICCI), but has also carved a niche of her own in the world of arts. The key to getting it right, she feels, is maintaining a work-life balance. “While Harsh has been literally living out of a suitcase this year due to his FICCI engagements, he has always been very busy with work. I have loved to play my part as the Chairperson of Indian Institute of Crafts and Design, Jaipur, Initiator of the India Story last year and as the Managing Trustee of the Neotia Arts Trust. I have also enjoyed contributing to our family business as an advisor in the areas of health and hospitality.” About how they strike a work-life balance, she says, “We try to make the most of whatever time we get together. We give a lot of space to each other and extend support silently. And travelling together gives us quality time.” Success is not an element of contention if both partners take pride in each other’s work. Says Madhu, “I respect my husband’s dedication to his work and his sense of aesthetics and creativity. He is a pillar of support to my endeavours and I presume quite enjoys seeing me contribute to the promotion of arts.”

Absence of ego Industrialist Sethu Vaidyanathan, who is married to Priya Paul of Apeejay Industries, agrees that Indian men are not as supportive of their partners as western men are. “It has a lot to do with upbringing. I am shocked at the way men behave with their wives. I come from a Palghat family, which is a matriarchal society. I never saw my dad ever say No to my mother and that is ingrained in me. I also believe that everybody is equal. So as a rule, before I make any major decision, I run it past my mum, sister and wife. There should be a complete absence of ego in marriage. When we got married, Priya relocated to Chennai from Delhi like any other married woman. In fact, when my son was born we shuttled between Delhi and Chennai and he went to two schools. But when he reached kindergarten, we had to take a decision and I opted for Delhi. I realised my wife had so much work in Delhi but she had not brought it to my attention.”

“The reason why our marriage works so well is we both married late, our careers were on track and there is no ego,” he says, adding, “If you ask me, the secret behind our successful marriage is we are complete opposites and that really works for us.”

Two-getherness Bio tech queen Kiran Mazumdar is the Chairman and MD of Biocon Industries while her husband John Shaw is the VC of the same company.

But the bond they share is best summed up through this quote, “It is nice having a wife who is so well known, it gets you through airports quicker, but really it doesn’t influence things between us as a couple.” Kiran has openly referred to him as her ‘greatest sounding board’.

Dr Sriram Nene, a cardiac surgeon in America, relocated to Mumbai with his wife Madhuri Dixit who plunged into the second innings of her career. When quizzed about his wife being the more famous personality, the cardiac surgeon quipped, “I know who I am and she knows who I am. I’m very proud of her. We are both successful people and very comfortable with that fact. I think you’re partners in a marriage and you have to behave like that, so as long as you respect each other’s achievements, it’s fine.”

Shirish Kunder is a film editor, who married director Farah Khan. The couple, who have triplets, seem to have struck a fine balance in their married life. Shirish, who is often dismissed as “just Farah’s husband”, calmly stated in an interview, “I married someone eight years older. She was at the peak of her career. There will come a time I will be better.”

Inputs by Nayare Ali, Subhash K. Jha, Sangeetha G., Ritwik Mukherjee, Namita Gupta, Lipika Varma