The other side of love

What happens when a relationship ends, but one half of the couple isn’t able to move on Celebrity relationships are rife with examples of exes who’ve behaved in the worst possible ways

Many are the artistes who’ve made a livelihood out of selling their tales of romance gone awry, and of not being able to move on after it. Adele made millions with her songs of broken love, of not getting over an ex who left her heartbroken — think of Someone Like You. Indeed, literature and the arts, high culture and pop culture have made the idea of the forlorn, lovelorn ex — hanging onto fragments of their past relationship, trying desperately to woo back their former partner — seem like the romantic ideal.

But are they really What happens when an ex simply refuses to let go What happens to the other partner, who wants very much to move on Unfortunately, many celebrities do not quite set the right example when it comes to dealing with a broken relationship with dignity. From the otherwise ever-so-dignified Rekha, to the uber macho Salman Khan, from a young star like Deepika Padukone to veterans like Om Puri and Sanjay Khan-Zeenat Aman, many are the instances where celebrity exes have provided a guidebook of “how not to behave when a relationship has ended”.

Repeat offender Salman Khan may be among the most powerful stars in Bollywood, but when it comes to break-ups, he doesn’t have the best track record. His much publicised relationship and subsequent split with Aishwarya Rai was attended by allegations of abuse, harassment, and even a police complaint.

Their love story is said to have blossomed between 1997-99, with the relationship firmly established by their Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam days. But by 2001, trouble was brewing. In November of that year, the incident where an enraged Salman banged on the doors of Ash’s apartment in Mumbai, until his fists bled, occurred. The incident was reported to the police, reportedly by her father Krishnaraj Rai.

Salman’s behaviour spiralled further out of control. He created a ruckus on the sets of Ash’s films Kuch Na Kaho and Chalte Chalte; by September 2002, the actress said in an interview with a leading daily, “Salman and I broke up last March, but he isn’t able to come to terms with it.” She added, “After we broke up, he would call me and talk rubbish. He also suspected me of having affairs with my co-stars There were times when Salman got physical with me, luckily without leaving any marks. And I would go to work as if nothing had happened...”

By the time his next high-profile break-up came around — with Katrina Kaif — Salman seemed to have sobered down somewhat. There was a report that he hit Katrina on the sets of Ek Tha Tiger, but it was an incident both sides vehemently denied. What was undeniable, however, was how uncomfortable he made Katrina when she appeared on an episode of his reality show Bigg Boss. He also made a tasteless jibe at her expense when he appeared on Comedy Nights With Kapil: On spotting a box of crackers with Katrina’s picture on the cover (it was a Diwali special), Salman quipped to Kapil Sharma, “What purpose does it serve to have her picture around She is of no use to you.” And added, “She was of no use to me also.”

Katrina, on her part, has always put up a dignified front. “(My) relationship with Salman was true. Which is why we are still able to be friends. But he lives in a parallel universe, always making these jokes about me publicly, which get the media really kicked. Like the comment he made on Kapil’s show when he saw my pictures on a set of crackers. I called him and yelled at him. I can do that, it is the sort of equation we have. He said, ‘Okay, sorry. I will apologise to the media’. I told him to do no such thing and maintain a dignified silence if that is possible,” Katrina had said in an interview, about the incident.

Seeking the spotlight Few celebrity “exes” have received the kind of attention that Rekha and Amitabh Bachchan have. While rumours of an affair between the duo were fanned by their hit pairing in films like Do Anjaane, Ganga Ki Saugandh and reached a crescendo by the time they acted together in Silsila (the love triangle also featured Jaya Bachchan, in a case of reel life imitating real life), the after-effects have persisted for years. Even today, when Rekha and the Bachchans are together at an awards ceremony, it makes big news. At a recent awards night, social media users pointed to Rekha’s strange way of pulling in Jaya Bachchan for a hug when Amitabh’s name was announced as one of the winners in the Best Actor category.

While Amitabh Bachchan has not publicly addressed the reports of the “affair”, Rekha has alluded to it on a couple of occasions. In a 1984 interview to a top film magazine, referring perhaps to why the relationship had not worked out, she had said, “Why should he have not done it He did it to protect his image, his family, and his children. Why should the public know of my love for him or his love for me I love him and he loves me — that’s it! Mr Bachchan is still old-fashioned. He doesn’t want to hurt anybody, so why hurt his wife ” But several years down the line, she changed her comments somewhat. In an episode of Rendevouz with Simi Garewal, Rekha once again spoke about her feelings for Amitabh — although this time she claimed it had been an entirely one-sided devotion, and no more or less than the devotion of millions of the Big B’s fans.

In bad taste In some cases, B-town stars have simply shown bad taste in talking about their exes. After the Asin-Neil Nitin Mukesh relationship ended, Neil referred to his ex by saying, “Taking her name is ‘a sin’”. Deepika Padukone too had a couple of catty missteps, both on a talk show, and both times with respect to her former flame Ranbir Kapoor. When asked what product her former beau should endorse, she promptly said, “condoms” (seen as a sly reference to his Casanova image) and when she was quizzed about one question she’d like to pose to Katrina Kaif (who was by then seeing Ranbir), Deepika had responded with, “Can I see your passport ” While many at the time took that to be a dig at Katrina’s age or at possible visa troubles, it was later made clear that Deepika had actually asked the question in the context of reports that Katrina visited Ranbir in the US while he was shooting there for Anjaana-Anjaani. In the time since, Deepika has proven herself wiser and avoided making similar faux pas.

Extreme reactions While some exes choose to go the self-destructive route when a relationship ends (think Sanjay Dutt whose addiction issues escalated after then girlfriend Tina Munim left him for Rajesh Khanna), others vilify their former partners. Om Puri may be among Indian cinema’s most gifted actors, but his highly acrimonious break-ups with both his first and second wives — Seema Kapoor and Nandita Puri, respectively — did not show him in the best possible light. Sanjay Khan-Zeenat Aman put bad behaviour by exes in another league altogether. Sanjay was married to Zarine Khan when he and Zeenat began a much-talked-about relationship; in fact, reports at the time even stated that the duo had tied the knot. But it all unravelled in an ugly fashion — with Sanjay physically attacking Zeenat in the lobby of a hotel. She still bears the scars of the assault.

Shrink speak While bad behaviour by celebrity exes grabs the limelight, such actions and attitudes aren’t restricted to them. Relationship expert Dr Seema Hingorrany has seen many cases where an ex is unable to move on, and makes things uncomfortable for their former partner. She recounted a case of a girl who came to her for help, disturbed by her ex’s penchant for bumping into her at parties and later sending her texts pulling her down. Others have approached her about an abusive ex who has angered them so much that they were pushed to retaliate in kind. “A lot of people can’t deal with the trauma of breaking up and one needs wisdom and maturity to deal with such issues. Seeking closure in a relationship is therefore very important before moving on. During times like these, it becomes very important to sit and converse like mature individuals and come to a mutual consensus. It’s important that we don’t immediately block all the channels of communication unless of course the person gets nasty and abusive,” she explained.

Moving onto another partner isn’t exactly the best course of action after splitting from an ex either. “There is going to be a vacuum after the break-up, the choice is yours how deal with it. If you immediately jump into other relationship, there are chances of being caught in a bad loop,” cautioned life coach and psychotherapist Khyati Birla.

On the receiving end While badly behaved exes certainly get a lot of attention for their antics, less is usually known about the state of mind of the individual who is on the receiving end.

Karthik Aryan (of Pyaar Ka Punchnama fame) recounted how a family friend wanted to be in a relationship with him. “We were friends and I made it clear that I didn’t want it to progress beyond that. She was the one who liked me. Even our families got involved in it. She would send me gifts on Valentine’s Day, sketch portraits of me... I felt so bad that I couldn’t reciprocate. After some time it got so awkward that I had to let go of the friendship too. I didn’t want our family ties to suffer.”

Of course, break-ups are tough, and even the most emotionally balanced among us can find the terrain difficult to navigate. How do you keep from descending into becoming an object of pity or ridicule Actor Chandan Roy Sanyal offers his own story: “I was deeply in love with a girl, my former girlfriend. When she broke up with me, I went through the most harrowing time I could not sleep, lost all focus, made calls to her at odd hours You become vulnerable and needy and lose perspective. I would stay up the whole night, counting numbers backwards, just to get through the hours. Later on, when you have gained some wisdom, you realise it was all for a good reason. Our ideas of life were very different. After some time, I met the love of my life, who I am with now. Life is great and one should always wish (one’s exes) well and move forward. Memories are immortal and that’s what counts.”