Dating apps may prove all that convenient and even let you cherry-pick, but that angel hiding behind layers of the Internet may prove to be the devil.
While dating on the net opens up a cornucopia of opportunities in a world where a large percentage of communication is on the phone, there are some things we avoid. Researching a prospective beau online to narrow down the options from a vast variety that you might not have access to otherwise, is a huge advantage. This is also a way to cut out the ‘not happening’ lot. You manage to cut to the chase, having checked out basic information like age, looks, location, height, school, etc. These portals give you the facility of finding ‘friends’ who fit into the suitability criteria you need to state, so there is lesser disillusionment.
And, yet, you must do your due diligence before you go all gung-ho. It’s a better idea to hold back on the enthusiasm until after you’ve checked out the background of the ‘candidate’, before you begin to get excited or start enjoying their messages and get a dopamine high every time you hear your phone ping, hoping it’s your new suitor.
If you know what you are looking for and can state it then, as it is said, “For everyone there is someone just right for him/her, and if there is a mismatch, it is a discreet letting go.”
Secondly, the initial anonymity behind which you post Photoshopped or beauty plus pictures, is so opportune, and just about adds to the mystery, or so you think, isn’t it? All the flaws are hidden and your best side comes out — even easier than when you are on your best performance on a face-to-face date. My suggestion for a happier and more successful outcome is that you aim at a degree of transparency even if you are initially reluctant to reveal your identity.
I do believe it’s best not to embellish your details to look better or create a photo image to pretentious presentations that, in the long run, are bound to rebound. So all kinds of boastful or less-than-true façades presented regarding income, social or economic status and such, are best avoidable. For the same reasons.
Naturally, the other side of the spectrum is that you must safeguard yourself from being duped or blackmailed or even criminally taken advantage of, or simply, as they say, being fooled!
Thirdly, Internet dating and dating apps may be definitely convenient but not always safe unless you use a reliable app that has screening and other security protocol. Because, as exciting as you might have wished or even believed, the man you’re thinking is your Prince charming May just be a stalker on the net conducting this same scouting and chatting game with numerous women. More often than not, one of the many he’s trying to ‘get lucky’ with. In more ways than just a coffee. You might be willing to take the chance, but before you know it, you’re hooked and might get hurt with the discovery that an engaging chemistry was him scouring the net for amusement and disappearing suddenly without even a warning.
You only end up seeing what you’re meant to see. And while you might just be tweaking your picture, he may be using someone else’s picture entirely. This is nearly commonplace. Something about the Internet makes it all more ephemeral and transient. The slightest hint of any inconvenience and poof!, he’s gone or you’ve walked out, whereas somehow in a real world introduction, you give an interaction more time and energy. Positive energy, that is. And one thing you didn’t think about is that while you may be looking for something long-term and serious, he is just cruising the net for a fun dalliance and some casual entertainment.
Good reliable apps are getting safer and more convenient. Safety features these days do protect you and what a convenience and a boon these apps can be to people otherwise lost to a lonely life, a friendless life or an undesirably single life, if you ensure the app you use is going to help you not crush you with heartache?
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org