Described variously as a businessman and entrepreneur, Robert has expressed his frustration at being summoned by the ED, having appeared 15 times already regarding the same case
Why has no Bollywood biggie thought of making an inspired biopic on a former “desh ka damaad” -- the mercurial Robert Vadra? Just asking.
Personally speaking, I find his life most fascinating. Almost as fascinating as the Enforcement Directorate (ED) team that keeps hauling him in for friendly chats that extend for hours and hours.
What do they talk about? According to the voluble Vadra, he has already told them all they need to know about the land deal gone wrong.
Described variously as a businessman and entrepreneur, Robert has expressed his frustration at being summoned by the ED, having appeared 15 times already regarding the same case. He says he is “not scared of anybody” and that he is no “soft target”. In fact, he and his brother-in-law, Rahul Gandhi, are “hard targets”, and will keep getting harder. Baap re! ED interrogators… are you listening? Time to up the game if you want quick results.
I can’t help but think about the original Raabert -- late actor Ajit, popularly known as “Loin” (Punju pronunciation of Lion). Born Hamid Ali Khan, like so many other Bollywood aspirants, Hamid arrived penniless in Bombay, got a break as a junior artist in Row 3, was subsequently moved to Row 1, thanks to his Clark Gable moustache and rich baritone. He wrote a lot of his witty one-liners himself – the same ones that generated a million jokes. “Saara Shahar mujhe Lion ke naam se jante hai”, he growled in Kalicharan. And that’s how “Loin” was born. Then came Mona Darrrrling and “Lilly, don’t be silly!” Oh God, how much we laughed -- and still do at Koila jokes about Lilly and the Bass (boss). Remember the Maggi ketchup tagline? “Bass, pass the saas”?
Apna Robert can so easily replace Ajit.
Robert Vadra, at 56, is what bachcha log describe as a “hunk” -- a gym junky in fitted tees that showcase his rippling muscles. He sports a jaunty Freddy Mercury mooch. While Congress supporters lustily chant “Jab jab Modi darta hai, ED ko aage karta hai”, critics of the Gandhi family impatiently wait for the day when the ED goes public with the chargesheet filed before a Delhi court that names Sonia Gandhi, former Congress president (and Robert Vadra’s mother-in-law), and Rahul Gandhi, Leader of the Opposition in the Lok Sabha, as accused in its investigation into the AJL-Young Indian-National Herald case.
Incredible! The number of people who want to see the Nehru-Gandhi family behind bars.
Meanwhile, the ajeeb case of Mehul Choksi is hanging fire, just as the law enforcement agencies were about to throw a party on the return of the fugitive diamantaire, to face charges in India. Unfortunately, Belgian justice minister Annelies Verlinden has dampened the celebratory mood back home after announcing plans to evaluate India’s extradition request. At the moment, Choksi is cooling his heels inside a clink in Antwerp. If the honourable lady decides India’s request is flawed… well then, Mehul and his family can generously distribute boxes of decadent, velvety, luxurious Godiva Belgian choccies to well- wishers.
The diamond merchant is accused of cheating Punjab National Bank and other banks of $2 billion. He has six cases filed by the CBI against him since 2018.
Here's another Bollywood script right there. Mehul’s dramatic escape in a speedboat (2021), from our bumbling, fumbling agencies, after being honey-trapped and kidnapped in Antigua, reads like a bizarre Keystone Cops caper. How the man made it from Antigua to Dominica after an alleged tryst with a female intelligence agent posing as a sex worker, remains the stuff of high-octane thrillers. He even succeeded in getting the Interpol to drop the “red corner” notice against him! This is genius! Citing health reasons (he appears several kilos lighter and is suffering from cancer, according to his attorney), Mehul is literally buying time.
All these becharas (like Sanjay Bhandari) living the fugitive life in Europe and England are safe for now. They win every time citing human rights violations and the pathetic conditions inside our filthy, overcrowded prisons. Even the redone notorious anda cell in Tihar (which was kept ready for VIP criminals, complete with Western-style commode), will still fail the international test which insists on basic conveniences for prisoners. For now, Mehul Choksi and his nephew Nirav Modi can confidently avail of the modern toilet facilities in their
adopted abodes.
Till then, we can continue to quibble over language politics. Such bakwaas! Come on… suddenly Urdu is not an “Indian” language? Then, what language is it? Whose language is it? Try asking politically motivated mischief-makers and they will say Urdu is “gaddar zabaan” (enemy’s language). Lovers of the rich language point out that Urdu is as Indian as Sanskrit. Thank God for the Supreme Court, which has emphatically stated: “Language is not religion. Language is culture. We must respect and rejoice in our diversity, including our many languages.” I don’t get the controversy in the first place. It started with the question of Marathi being the “rajbhasha” of
Maharashtra (no debate here). But, was a municipal building flouting the status of the “rajbhasha” by carrying an Urdu translation below the Marathi signage? The court pointed out that Urdu, like Marathi and Hindi, is an Indo-Aryan language. “Urdu is the finest specimen of the Ganga-Jamuni Tehzeeb”, the bench stated. Hurrah! Can we kindly leave it there? Undisturbed and in peace?
Welcome to India, Shri and Shrimati Vance. Aap aur aapke parivaar ka swagat hai! American vice-president J.D. Vance will be enjoying a mini vacation with his wife Usha and sons Ewan, Vivek, along with daughter Mirabel. He wants to introduce his kids to his wife’s country, which is a good gesture … it will be a rushed Red Fort, Agra, Jaipur trip, with a formal dinner thrown in, hosted by Prime Minister Narendra Modi. Badhiya plan hai, Sirji. Let the bachchas appreciate the beauty and generosity of our wonderful nation. They will discover
a lot, even during this brief visit. Mainly, they’ll be pleasantly surprised to know there is actually a vast world outside America. On another note, we can introduce J.D. Vance to desi kajal for his eye makeup. He seems to favour branded eyeliners and mascara, according to JD watchers. Indian kajal has been doing the same job for centuries.
Just like tandoori chicken tastes far better than KFC, our kajal too has superior staying power compared to foreign eyeliners. Meanwhile, dear JD, do practice the hook step of “Kajra Re” with Usha and the kids.
