Shobhaa De | For Dubai Returnees, Ghar Wapsi Is Not a Cakewalk…

I have a confession to make… I am really getting a secret thrill watching the distress and discomfort of the entitled Dubai Desis who are scrambling to get back to India! The whole of last week, friends of friends were making frantic calls to well-connected folks back home in utter panic. “We are living in the basement of our luxury tower. We just heard explosions … right here! In our own neighbourhood! Most of our close associates and neighbours have left already. We are stuck in this hell! The kids are terrified. We have not slept in many days. We have never felt this unsafe in our entire lives. Please help!” Those who saw the writing on the wall had sensibly made sure that their bank accounts were sorted, money moved, jewellery from lockers removed, all the paperwork done. Some had their own family homes in India to get back to, after leaving with whatever they could grab from the dream homes that they had created for themselves two decades ago. Suddenly, they were

adrift -- both emotionally and physically. The idyllic life that they had abandoned their motherland for had turned into a living, throbbing nightmare, almost overnight. This was not how the narrative was meant to be! Dubai??? Glittering, golden Dubai… Ooooops! Has Dazzling D suddenly transformed into a rusted, dented Dabba??? Never!

I am, of course, talking about the well-heeled millionaires who had relocated to the UAE in order to avoid paying taxes in India. Or the ones hiding undeclared, ill-gotten wealth.

Certainly not those who left the country of their birth for better opportunities, jobs, and more money to send back to their old parents struggling with inflation, post-retirement. That script is entirely different and their anxieties are rooted in survival -- if that work force is compelled to come back home, will those folks be able to adjust to the old Indian ways, the old life? Less money? Heightened insecurity??? Ummmm… stressful and doubtful.

For all the others who had imagined they had outsmarted all their contemporaries stupid enough to hang around in India paying killer taxes, this is a rude wake-up call. Their swag's gone! Guess who’s having the last laugh?

Of course, Dubai will bounce back. But that’s going to take a while.

And a lot depends on how this manipulated, absurd war pans out. At the moment, there are wild theories floating around regarding America and its actions down the line, once Donald Trump is done throwing some more family members and political associates under the bus, like it’s all their fault for getting him into this monumental mess. President Barack Obama has started making some well-timed noises to test the waters -- does America want him back to lead the troops? But wait, is he the Messiah, the Chosen One, or will he once again handpick a proxy, a puppet, to part the seas and rescue the faithful?

Joe Kent, the director of the US National Counter-Terrorism Centre, has dramatically quit, expressing “concerns” about the military strikes in Iran. Demanding a “justification”. Huh? When was the last time America provided any kind of “justifications” for attacks? Joe Kent piously states: “Iran posed no imminent threat to our nation and it is clear that we started this war due to pressure from Israel and its powerful American lobby.” Hey buddy… good on ya! But where were you when the war was being planned? Sleeping on the job? This is as fake as it gets! Who knows… It could be one more diabolical strategy to deflect and distract. To prove American democracy at work… Also, by bringing a personal tragedy into the resignation post, Joe Kent diluted the impact of his decision. “As a Gold Star husband who lost my beloved wife Shannon in a war manufactured by Israel, I cannot support sending the next generation off to fight and die in a war that serves no benefit to the American people…” Oh oh… the guy suddenly rediscovered his voice and conscience!

The other American disaster to cap the other gaffes of last week? The apology of a globally anticipated awards night -- the over-hyped Oscars ceremony. A case of the law of diminishing returns finally catching up with what it has been reduced to -- an embarrassment.

There was a time when so many of us set the alarms to catch the televised show at dawn. We had our favourites, and we knew most of the nominees like they were family. No longer. Worst of all, nobody cares who won, who didn't. Or even why our Dharmendra was ignored by the Academy during the televised “In Memoriam” segment.

Dharmendra’s wife, Hema Malini, called it a “matter of shame”, while their daughter Esha Deol was more philosophical, saying that her father’s heart “has always been too generous to be concerned with things like these…” Apart from this blatant omission, the Academy’s exaggerated attempt at “inclusivity” sparked widespread scorn.

Oh dear, all things Amrikan seem to be spiralling out of control. And nobody seems to be shocked or surprised!

We in India, are concerned about more mundane matters than missiles flying overhead. I have been gifted a rice cooker (still have to figure out how it works), and an induction stove, complete with a flat-bottomed vessel. So far, the gas cylinder issue at home has not yet hit the crisis button. And the breadwallah has assured us we don’t have to start counting our breakfast toasts just yet. Even though the Centre has finally owned up and admitted: “The LPG situation is a concern.”

The latest buzz word is “bio gas”. Prof. Shirish Kedare, director of IIT Bombay, has said: “Currently our biogas plant and the gasifier unit generate a gas equivalent of about six LPG cylinders a day. We plan to double the capacity and eventually target 18.” Kamal Munir, an urban sustainability expert, stated: “The idea is not to replace LPG entirely but to reduce dependence.”

Meanwhile, horror stories from the War That Nobody Wants continue to shock the world. Iran has finally confirmed the assassination of Ali Larijani, the country’s overall security chief, along with his son Morteza and his bodyguards, in Israeli airstrikes on Tehran. Israel-America… same-same -- but different.