Devi Kar | Living in Unruly Times: How Lack of Discipline Can Prove Very Costly

People are convinced disciplining stopped with Gen X or the generation preceding the millennials. Alas, school teachers too have long stopped attempting to discipline their students as they are taken to task if they tried to do so. The general belief of parents and some “experts” is that sensitive children are negatively impacted if dealt with harshly. Unfortunately, the term “harsh” is commonly interchanged with “strict”. Sugary instructions, honeyed reasoning, patient cajoling and undisguised bribing are the strategies now used to get children to comply.

It is universally accepted that there is no single formula for parenting. In the 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind identified three main styles of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative and permissive. Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin of Stanford University added a fourth, which they named “uninvolved”. Meanwhile, informal, derogatory and graphic terms have been given to styles of overprotective parenting, such as helicopter, lawn mower and snowplough.

Old grandparents remember their parents leaving their large brood of children to their own devices. They had a loose family structure with informal rules and children grew up within this broad framework without much parental intervention. The large joint families brought up all the children together and parents did not distinguish between their own offspring and those of their siblings. Strict rules came in as the nuclear family developed. Ironically, the “soft” modern parent was brought up by strict authoritarian parents and teachers. Is it then a reaction to the strictness they had to endure in their childhood that makes today’s parents over-indulgent?

Or is it they just wish to be trendy? However, it is eventually accepted by all, that ground rules and clear boundaries are necessary to bring up stable, responsible and well-behaved children who will become future citizens and leaders.

Faulty parenting, however, isn’t the only reason why young people lack discipline today. There are other factors which contribute to this. School is the most important place, after home, where children develop values, habits and attitudes. But alas, schoolteachers today have severe limitations on their power and ability to discipline and instil a sense of right and wrong. School authorities, particularly in urban schools, have to be accountable for any corrective measure introduced or even the language used by a teacher in the course of disciplining a student. The outcome is a fragile, unruly generation.

Another reason for the lack of discipline is that the curriculum does not include education in citizenship. This is an extremely important component through which our young are enabled to become not only proud citizens of their country but responsible global citizens as well. It is one thing to foster patriotism and commemorate the sacrifices of our freedom fighters, and quite another to develop a considerate and participative generation who will contribute to society in a meaningful manner. Our children learn to excel in examinations but are not taught the basics of what it takes to be law-abiding citizens who will not accept misuse of power and misrule by any government but will express dissent in a disciplined manner.

The overarching cause of the reign of indiscipline in the world today is perhaps the shameful example of our narcissistic political leaders as well as the pathetic absence of role models around us. The celebrities our children look up to are sports icons and actors. They can see that the world leaders of today violate rules and democratic conventions with impunity on the one hand, and embrace power and more power on the other. Why are we surprised that our children are increasingly showing a sense of brash entitlement? They witness how the so-called “VIPs” (an ugly term) in our country behave and they internalise what they see as something they should aspire to or emulate.

We keep paying the cost for the lack of discipline in our daily lives. Chronic flouting of safety regulations, violation of traffic rules and disregard of laws (that have been constituted for the smooth functioning of institutions), lead to general chaos,

avoidable accidents and loss of lives. Ignorance of appropriate behaviour in public spaces lead to stampedes while the neglect of fire drills cause unnecessary injuries and deaths in the event of a fire breaking out. Unplanned construction of buildings and disregard for public property add to the misery of our daily lives; yet we boast of being one of the top economies of the world.

Indeed, we are living in strange times when the world seems to be in a perpetual state of chaos while the “anxious generation” is showing signs of self-centredness and a dangerous lack of discipline. There are too many young parents who realise --

when it is too late -- that their children are beyond their control. The word “control” is an unacceptable concept for parents and teachers today, yet the irony is that many leaders, here and elsewhere, are controlling citizens’ lives with impunity.

It is time to work for a better world. For this, we could begin by engaging in serious introspection about the nature of modern- day parenting and try to bring back respect for order and discipline in our daily lives.