Shobhaa De | Dhankhar Beats: Shock & Awe By V-P Drama Queen!

Hey Devaa! Hey Ganesha! Far too much golmal is going on in our beloved Bharat Desh right now, just as Ganpati Bappa is getting ready for his annual visit. I cannot wrap my head around the Jhankhar Beats, oops… sorry — Dhankhar Beats — rocking the very foundations of our parliamentary process. Is Jagdeep Dhankhar the ultimate Drama Queen in the country? Going by the shock and awe his inexplicable and sudden exit as the vice-president of India triggered, the answer is “yes”.

Dilli’s overcrowded corridors of power are still shaking. So many theories! Such torrid speculation! Understandably so. When was the last time our country’s V-P resigned abruptly, citing health reasons, that too, on the first day of the Rajya Sabha’s Monsoon Session?

Never! Dhankhar said he wanted to “abide by medical advice”. Which doctor? Whose advice? What ailment, Sirji? Too bad this explanation has few takers. Why is nobody believing the man who appeared hale and hearty hours before announcing his departure from a responsibility he had shouldered for three years. He was fit enough at 9 pm to arrive unannounced at Rashtrapati Bhavan and demand an audience with President Droupadi Murmu. Who does that? Who gatecrashes a lady’s residence at that hour without prior warning, a confirmed appointment?

The startled ADC went into an absolute tizzy and did what any officer well versed with presidential protocol would do — he rushed to the military secretary to inform him about the presence of an unexpected “guest” on the premises.

But what triggered the resignation? No convincing answers so far from any quarter. Just insinuations and gossip. One thing’s for sure — it’s no health issue requiring emergency measures. India has seen 13 other V-Ps since 1950. Not one of them has demitted office in such a shabby manner. There’s something known as duty and decorum, which his predecessors scrupulously followed. Six of them became Presidents, one died in office, the others retired from public life. Our friend Dhankhar was obviously marching to the beat of his own drum! For one, he left office without a proper send-off as is customary — no formal ceremony in the Rajya Sabha. Was he sulking or miffed?

Personally speaking, I rather enjoyed his combative persona. He’d frequently forget his impartial position and join in political debates, openly expressing his views. No attempt to maintain “neutrality”. He was out there! Voluble and visible. Taking sides and pissing off people… mainly the BJP. Prime Minister Narendra Modi didn’t waste much time to say “g’bye” and wish the ex-VP “good health” on X. So sweet, na?

And let’s be honest, Jhankhar had become a bit of a nuisance for the ruling party. Clearly, there were major differences that could have led to an embarrassing impasse, given Jhankhar’s attitude to the functioning of the judiciary. Now comes the real challenge. Who will replace the feisty Jhankhar and when?

Meanwhile, I’m still giggling over his stand-off with the equally outspoken Jaya Bachchan. Remember the very filmi exchange last year when Jhankhar referred to her as “Jaya Amitabh Bachchan” and she objected to his “unacceptable tone”? This was their third face-off in 10 days and led to the Opposition members registering their protest and walking out.

The view from Mumbai about who is likely to fill the vacated post (D.Y. Chandrachud) is interesting, but lacks political heft. It displays naivete and wishful thinking rather than an understanding of shrewd political math. The former CJI may appeal to Mumbai’s elite as an apt choice, even though his chances appear negligible to hardcore Dilliwallas. Dhananjay is “one of us”. Polished, intellectually dazzling, a humanist, idealist and a man of conviction. Maybe the very qualities that disqualify him. But does he even want the job? If anything, he’s better suited to move to The Hague and head the International Court of Justice. Now that’s a sexy job to aspire to, for a person of his calibre.

Meanwhile, in our seething metropolis, the most important matter under discussion revolves around the surprising acquittal by the Bombay high court of all 12 accused in the macabre 7/11 train blasts that killed 187 innocents and injured over 800 in 2006. The probe was handled by the Maharashtra Anti-Terrorism Squad (ATS). A good 19 years have passed. And now comes the acquittal of “The Dirty Dozen” (as they were dubbed), with the high court saying the prosecution utterly failed to prove the case. Former Mumbai police commissioner A.N. Roy expressed “shock” over the acquittal, saying the probe was conducted in a professional manner and the evidence was collected “honestly and truthfully”. (Full disclosure: A.N. Roy is a family friend.) Then he added: “It’s a judicial verdict. We accept it respectfully.” That was a measured response by a respected IPS officer. What’s still unclear is whether the explosives were placed inside pressure cookers or in “cooking utensils”. Either way, the human toll was staggering. If these 12 didn’t do it, who did? Should the victims’ families shrug and accept their miserable fates, since the probe has reached a dead end? What does it say about our investigating agencies?

Clearly, the ATS and Mumbai police were not on the same page from the word go. Nineteen years later, we’re back to square one. And nobody ready to answer for this most unfortunate lapse in the system.

“No question of bringing 12 men back to prison”, said the Supreme Court, as it stayed the high court order acquitting all 12 accused. It’s worth paying attention to the poignant words of Dr Tanvir Ansari, 50, termed a co-conspirator in the case. “My job is to save lives, not kill people… ATS ruined my life.”

So far, the most thought-provoking response has come from Abdul Wahid Shaikh, the sole person acquitted by the special court in 2015. He has demanded the formation of an SIT headed by an HC judge to reinvestigate the case, to “ensure the real perpetrators of the blasts are arrested.’’ He also demanded `19 crores as compensation for the 12 men who spent 19 years behind bars, plus government jobs and houses for them. Does anyone have the stamina to undertake this mission?

To end on a corny note: Countless desi memes of Coldplay couples caught on Kiss Cam include Nehru with Edwina, Amitabh and Rekha, SRK and Priyanka Chopra, Salman Khan and Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, to name a few. Meanwhile, a Chandigarh-based therapist/counsellor declared on a popular podcast, that the Coldplay scandal of a cheating couple is nothing compared to what goes on in Chandigarh — India’s capital of adultery! Balle! Balle!