OF CABBAGES AND KINGS | The Third ‘Open Letter’ I’m Sending To Usha Vance, The US Second Lady | Farrukh Dhondy

“A wasted emotion -- regret

The past can’t be retrieved --

And yet

It may be the key to seeing

A better way of doing

And being…”

From Solemn Honeycomb, by Bachchoo

Dear Ushaji,

I hope you’ll forgive the intrusion, but I think the present circumstances may change and obstruct your path to the White House. I can see, in all modesty, that you have heeded my advice and accepted -- to an extent -- the strategies that I outlined in my last two communications. You seem to have convinced J.D. to maintain a respectful distance from the Orange Booby’s disastrous and deranged actions and pronouncements.

That being said, I have the feeling that you lost control of hubby’s public statements in one recent instance. That was when the Orange Booby posted a picture of himself posing as Christ and bringing MagaLazuras back to life – or performing the Trumpy miracle of making the lame blind?

There was, of course, a worldwide outcry. Close to that tasteless sacrilege, Pope Leo denounced Booby’s threat to eradicate Iran’s “civilisation” as a clear statement against proposed genocide.

JD, a recent convert to Catholicism, not only excused the “Jesus photograph” as a “joke”, but he also went on to say that the president of the Turd Reich was entitled to make political announcements, and that Pope Leo should stick to his role as the Guardian of Christian morality. Stick to what??? Isn’t a statement denouncing intended genocide nothing but moral??

And I am puzzled by the fact that J.D. ventured to criticise the first American Pope. Isn’t that a losing tactic, even though it was probably intended as a show of loyalty to the Keep-America-White House? Were you on holiday? Hasn’t he noticed that you are of immigrant descent?

Okay, we all make blunders now and then, but you mustn’t miss this opportune moment when it is clear that Orange Boob is -- as the Americans say -- on the skids? What’s the word he throws about? Ah, yes: “loser”.

The Iran war is his best qualification for being awarded the Adolf War Prize, if any such existed. It has, in my conspiratorial judgement, caused the final split in the Make-America-Gaga-Again movement. So, now’s the time to strike.

Of course, JD is, quite naturally, seen as doing the Booby’s bidding and that’s the first thing to change.

In a quiet hour, Ushaji, draw up a list of all the Booby’s policies which you would have reversed once you are Mrs POTUS. (I said a quiet hour, but it would probably take you a minute or two)

Then, JD should find some friendly journalists to write articles, or even do an interview or several, through which he subtly states that if, God forbid (ha ha!), some mishap overtakes Dump, those are the policies he would implement.

That would certainly influence Democrat voters to realise that “your” presidency would be the reverse of Dump’s. Their reps don’t want to replace Dumpy 1 with a clone.

That will have set the grounds and lined up the votes for impeachment. You should immediately invite all Republican dissenters and sceptics to private dinners and set up this majority -- all Democrats and now a visible and vocal crowd of dissenting Republicans. The issue on which to proceed with the impeachment? … Er… have you, gentle reader, got time to keep reading till Christmas?

Now, Ushaji, I insist I am not in any sense a conspiracywalla. But even so, I am sure that Epstein didn’t commit suicide, that Ghislaine has been bought off through a transfer of prisons and even possibly a future pardon. I am also certain that the living Epstein Victims have been bought off in exchange for their silence and are under the certain threat of mysterious deaths, disguised as suicides or accidents.

I have no idea what Melania thinks, but every woman I know or have known would be a partisan advocate of these victims of Epstein and his pervert friends, being free of the threat and enabled to speak out. Another notch on the barrel of impeachment? And I have no doubt that you, from the Non-all-White House, will be able to bring such an assurance for the victims and allow the world to hear the truth of the Epstein atrocities.

And Ushaji, even as I write this, Iran has offered a five-year moratorium on nuclear research and enrichment. The US has rejected it, demanding permanent abandonment of all nuclear activity, including Iran’s professed atoms-for-peace programme. Surely, under your presidency, that could go ahead under international supervision?

That would depend on what happens next in this ghastly war., with the Straits of Ahura Mazda blockaded, even against Chinese oil tankers?

Yes, Bush and Blair did succeed in replacing Saddam, but subsequent developments only proved that they killed the cat who kept the rats at bay.

The present regime in Iran is palpably part of that rodentocracy, but God only knows what will succeed it. Dumpo certainly doesn’t.

Now, no POTUS in history has “crossed the floor” -- even though Presidents, unlike PMs, have no literal “floor” to cross. Even so, you two could make history by inducing JD, when he becomes POTUS after Orangey Boob Daddy is thrown in jail, to rejoin the Democratic Party and choose a vice-president from within their ranks?

Yours in Indianness,

Farrukh Dhondy