what men want

In keeping with the stereotype, men do often seek a high maintenance partner who isn’t all that intelligent and level-headed

Today we shall try and assess what exactly it is that men want. Ideally, that’s a list one could fit in a single tweet, or 160 characters to be precise; in fact one doesn’t need even that many to spell toys and cars. Someone may add money and career but they would be lying. Men don’t want that, those are only means to acquiring more toys and cars. Actually, let’s shorten that to just toys, for mentioning a fancy car besides that amounts to redundancy.

Now, all the qualities of a good toy can be easily listed: attractive, coveted, new, mysterious and possibly with plenty of options to keep a man occupied for a good few minutes. But do we have an idea of what men want when it comes to their partners With women, men seem to show certain similar traits as mentioned above — the heightened pulse, the attraction and the rickety hormone, the short lifespan of the general attention — but the one thing that is different here is that, unlike their gaming consoles and cars, men don’t instinctively go for women who appear smart and level-headed.

You see, just like in a game, men need a mission that needs executing. They like to form plans and task forces and then try to take a problem down. That’s the premise of most successful video games and remote controlled cars. With women, somehow complexity leads to confusion, mostly in the man’s mind. Which is why the classic stereotype — “gentlemen prefer blondes” which further rests on the typecasting of blondes as belonging to a subset suffering from a certain predisposition of the brain, if you get my drift

A smart woman is stable as an island in a massive hurricane, unlike a frivolous one who proffers no more mental buoyancy than an inflatable dinghy in the said storm. The former doesn’t need anybody, let alone a guy, to spot for her. The dumb type is usually standing around waiting to be picked up for dinner, and then waiting for the guy to pick up the check. You need to actually be capable of conversation of the meaningful kind to engage the former, the latter may follow you home because they couldn’t think of anything better that evening.

And yet, men would far prefer the latter (more expensive) proposition, for then they can make it their mission to become indispensable to their other halves. Strange though, how men expect the latest of everything in their toys but with women they seem to contradict all the wisdom education has ever left them with. This is not to draw a comparison between women and toys — that would be in terribly bad taste — but to try and show that among the few things a man does long for, he shows such variable behaviour.

Which then explains why online dating apps work better than meeting someone over drinks — time and textual boundaries allow everyone to sound as smart or as dumb as they wish to appear. Meet the same person in real life, and you may feel differently.

So ladies, if you think yourself not too intelligent, you are in luck. As for the truly smarter ones, you know just how to play dumb.

The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine