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Survival of the dumbest

Published : May 11, 2016, 12:44 am IST
Updated : May 11, 2016, 12:44 am IST

Charles Darwin spoke about evolution and the theory that was subsequently postulated spoke of the survival of the fittest.

Still from Dumb And Dumberer
 Still from Dumb And Dumberer

Charles Darwin spoke about evolution and the theory that was subsequently postulated spoke of the survival of the fittest. It argued that, given limited resources, in each generation of all and any species there is a competition (in a sense) to survive. So, those organisms which can adapt best to the changing scenario have a better chance of making it through. Consequently, when they propagate the species, they bring about a slow yet sure mutation in the gene pool of their species. And that is how every creature or living being evolves, as a function of environmental adaptability.

We humans too, have evolved this way. Well, at least the women. Men, since the beginning of the Dark Ages aka formalised matrimony, have had an entirely different survival tactic.

A man being smart, like Salman Khan’s Being Human, has an odd sense of irony attached to it. Intelligence may help a man design bombs and navigate distant planets, it may make him better at sports or more useful at some form of handiwork, but it sure as shinola doesn’t help him survive any longer, or better.

Because, as facts stand, a man will never be smarter than a woman. No matter how many inventions and discoveries he has to his name, notwithstanding all his accolades and honorary academic titles, man will always eventually succumb to all and any conversation with a woman. You can argue with logic and avoid every possible fallacy and yet there will come a time when you must concede defeat. This may be because either you are grossly wrong or because you just don’t wish to be pulled into another verbal slugfest.

So, the smartest sort of man knows what to do: he plays dumb. I don’t mean asylum dumb, but more like Peter ‘Family Guy’ Griffin dumb. Dumb enough to do some rather insensible stuff but smart enough to know that by playing it dumb the exasperated woman will just focus on cleaning up after you, sparing none of her energy to fight with you. So make all the right mistakes but know your partner’s limits of acceptable dumbness, and you can pull through.

Think of this as an exercise in finding the lowest common denominator of intelligence, the thing that could bind all men in a given situation and yet not be seen as anything too remarkably intelligent. That’s the problem with having a brain — it gives rise to expectations in others. By keeping our brain adequately pickled, we not only stand a chance to lose some precious grey matter, but we can even save other men in similar situations by allowing for precedents.

Women discuss things and when they discuss their men and find that all of them leave wet towels on the bed, or forget to shut doors, or knock before entering, it helps lower the standards of expectations considerably.

So, if you want your relationship to work, play dumb. If you can’t do that, find a horse and get it to plant a solid kick to your head!

The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine