“Did your friends appreciate your dress Did they compliment you ” my mother asks as I return from a party.
“Did your friends appreciate your dress Did they compliment you ” my mother asks as I return from a party. Does it really matter who appreciates how we look, so long as it’s appropriate and makes us feel good The broader question is, must we do things to gain approval and prove points To present an honest view of yourself is much better than putting up appearances because once a relationship gets deeper, the real you will surface with little resemblance to what you had pretended to be.
What is the point of masks and pretence — the carefully cultivated ‘act’ that many social entities arrange upon their countenance, when the truth is so much more transparent and appealing Human emotion is better dealt with maturely and honestly.
If actuality constitutes gnashed teeth, peevishness with your spouse, slovenly appearance, clumsy eating and dressing at home, then the charade for the outside world is futile. One can’t hoodwink the ‘audience’ or newly-acquired relationships for too long because these deceits shake up and wake up people soon enough, with the slightest problem or inconvenience.
Don’t get me wrong, we’re all human and therefore prone to frustration, mood swings and anger, but to live for appearances and outsiders, to dress for people to see and to ignore real relationships in a vortex of deception is a sad trend rampant in the age of social media.
In any relationship, it is always healthy to have a foundation of reality, because chances are that you’ll come out looking transparent and upright and there will be an irresistible charm about you. Most often, people prone to pretence only keep it going until they achieve their goal, such as till they get married to whoever they have been studiously courting. Once the object is achieved, all deception is dropped and the monster behind the sham surfaces. What follows is a lot of self-blame by the partner who was duped and cannot understand the sudden change in attitude. “He was so kind and generous, have I done something to make him dislike me ” a few people might begin to ask themselves when the truth is quite the contrary.
To make a long term relationship work, come clean with all your personality traits — good, bad and ugly. This will encourage your partner to be honest with you too. Wouldn’t you rather be fully aware of all the good and the bad about a partner you are considering for a long term relationship
We lie and pretend because we are scared of rejection. Would it not, however, be nobler to work on the foibles and traits we are so ashamed of instead of performing and pretending they don’t exist
You can either create a meaningful relationship on the premise of honesty or, very early in the game, choose to be just friends and look for longevity elsewhere. Isn’t that better than dragging through an act that is bound to show cracks as soon as reality strikes
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com
