Tuesday, May 26, 2020 | Last Update : 01:26 PM IST

63rd Day Of Lockdown

Maharashtra52667157861695 Tamil Nadu170828731119 Gujarat144686636888 Delhi140536771276 Rajasthan73004056167 Madhya Pradesh68593571300 Uttar Pradesh64973660169 West Bengal38161414278 Andhra Pradesh2886189256 Bihar273773313 Karnataka218270544 Punjab2081191340 Telangana1920116456 Jammu and Kashmir166880923 Odisha14386497 Haryana121380216 Kerala8975326 Assam549634 Jharkhand4051484 Uttarakhand349584 Chhatisgarh292670 Chandigarh2661874 Himachal Pradesh223634 Tripura1981650 Goa67190 Puducherry49170 Manipur3640 Meghalaya15121 Nagaland300 Arunachal Pradesh210 Mizoram110 Sikkim100

Respect one another

Published : Apr 26, 2017, 12:15 am IST
Updated : Apr 26, 2017, 12:15 am IST

Over time people tend to lower their guards and take each other for granted in long term relationships.

Still from Couples Retreat
 Still from Couples Retreat

As we rode to a lunch meeting I was privy to a friend’s speaking to someone on the phone and was somewhat taken aback at her rough offhand tone. It was quite unlike her, she’s always so gracious and polite around us. When I found out that she’d been speaking to her husband all this time, I was taken aback. I nearly had a problem concealing my shock. Soon after at a destination wedding, I heard another friend and her husband in the next room adjacent to us. My friend was speaking to her husband in a blasé and casually rough tone. They didn’t sound like they were having an argument but they were not sounding like a couple in love. And yet, I’ve always found them friendly and loving in public.

So, what’s going on, I asked myself. It was then that I made it a point to notice a lot of couples and realised that over time perhaps they become a little offhand with each other when people aren’t looking. This irritated, casually abrasive tone of something that resembled a kind of peevishness is not rare but common among people who’ve been together for long.

I went deeper into the issues, faced by couples in long-term relationships and marriages and unearthed some home hidden truths. Sometimes people hold resentments and don’t speak about carbuncles then these resentments grow and relationships become distant.  Living in the same home you become strangers and roommates because you didn’t take time to sort out issues and became resentful.

On the other hand, over time people tend to lower their guard and take each other for granted in long term relationships. And where they worked at being polite and warm initially, as we are with our friends who we don’t see us that often, now they don’t feel it’s necessary to make that effort. I’ve realised that it isn’t uncommon and with kids, studies, work, salaries and other concerns, couples sometimes become like roommates performing routine functions and lose the magic that was initially there in the relationship.

Being peevish, ill-mannered and disrespectful with your spouse even on a practical level is not wise as he or she is the only person who ideally is with you in times when your chips are down. I also feel a marriage or living together is about love and companionship.  You want it to work happily and with bonhomie not because there is no option but because of tenderness and camaraderie.  There is no excuse for undervaluing precious people but we’re human.

Count to ten. Quit sweating the small stuff. Malice and selfish disinterest and riding roughshod with the spouse are self-destructive. You are there for each other.

The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com 

Tags: relationships