Overcoming first date fear

Kamy is a shy young man to the extreme, sensitive, but romantic and poetic. When he writes his poetry you see a side of him that expresses his feelings with flair and dash. But the same man simpers and is gauche and almost pathetic in company of the fairer sex.

We’ve seen this syndrome and I’ve come to know braver hearts get a flutter and a tremble too when they want to approach a lady who is the center of their romantic aspirations! Rejection is a feeling that even in thought is unbearable. Naturally the feeling is as much a part of some less than bold ladies too!

It is common and prevalent enough and I recently leant from a colleague of college days, now a suave successful businessman, how boys were so trepidations about the college ‘beauty’ Ashy that they used to challenge each other to just be daring enough to just say a ‘hello’!!

Ashy  had her own overwhelming fears. Surprisingly!  “No boy will ask me for a dance at the college annual dance! I will be the only wall flower. I have nothing to wear!!” Quite end-of-the-World fears that many of us have faced?

And I find myself often consoling many that a first date is in its right perspective, just a meeting of two people who are inclined to a likable friendship. It’s certainly less intimidating than a summon by the boss on lapses or an irate client?  Or that by the almighty college principal looking to pull you up in icy tones!

If you ‘visit’ the idea of a first date with the understanding that you’re just going to observe the situation without expecting too much too soon, you will have way less stress than the pressure a first date brings. People that have been on many dates might take it all with more ease, but when there is too much riding on your first date, and parents have set it up, or well-meaning friends have organized it for you, you begin to want things to work out without evaluating this significant event of you’re life. So I’d say you need to start addressing the situation from a neutral place like that of a bystander?

Never ever question your worthiness because if it has to work, you have to be liked and appreciated for who you are. That would be the only way toward a long lasting relationship.

The ease of taking your parents and friends feedback to the point of some self-improvement, but not to crash your own sense of self which is over and above anyone outside of you- is important. And most essentially, to remember not to put too much thought on what your date will think about you. The crucial point of any relationship you are trying to build is that the person appreciate you for you, and enjoy the real you. The laughter, the smile, the conversation over the superficialities.

To calm worked up nerves there is no harm in thinking of some topics to chat about initially until the conversation flows that might break the ice. Secondly dress in comfortable but nice looking clothes that make you feel great. And here I’d say make it more about what gives your confidence a boost, because the ease of conversation and appearance is more than half the battle won.

Always remember that the person you are meeting for your first date also has fears of rejection, or goofing up on a promising companionship, or being considered unattractive or worse.

Sensitive and probably initiate conversation that will create the evening into one of exploring common interests ,people, movies, music.

Before you know it the ice is well and broken!     Of course all may not go hunky dory-yes it may be a failed evening, yes the rejection is possible!

But counsel yourself that maybe there is another just round the corner date partner made-to-order just for you-and this is not the end of the world.

The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nishajamvwal@gmail.com