Cracking the whip

A successful woman in her prime with a younger man beside her often throws people in a loop. Older women — specifically those who are in relationships with younger men — have long been slapped with degrading, and vulgar labels such as MILF and cougar for decades now. Stemming from fantasies and controversial affairs of all kinds, women have found these terminologies offensive and undignified for a long time now.

Pooja Bedi takes the time out to explore the definitions of the two terminologies. “Cougar is a more predatorial take on older women in relationship with younger men. It sounds more like the woman is snatching or predating on somebody else’s partner. It is also a term for women to express their own fetish — of being interested in being with younger men,” she explains. “On the other hand, MILF is a term that is born out of male fantasy, specifically what the man deems desirable based on his likes and dislikes of the female body,” she adds.

Even as Pooja has a stoic view on the terminologies, Nisha Jamvwal, columnist and luxury consultant, believes that these really are harmful words with connotations that malign the female body. “I think terms like MILF and cougars are predominantly derogatory for a woman — they suggest an objectification of women and that needs to be objected to,” she says.

French President Emmanuel Macron is married to Brigitte Macron, who is 25 years his senior (Photo: AFP)

Enter WHIP — the latest trend to have taken over the Internet in an attempt to turn this phenomenon around with a positive acronym. WHIP, which expands to ‘women who are hot, intelligent and in their prime’, aims to eventually take over the two offensive terminologies.

Comedian Neeti Palta, however, has her doubts about the terminology. “This sounds like something a woman has come up with,” she muses, and rightly so. Writer Bibi Lynch came up with the suggestion on a British daytime show. “Personally, I think terms that are more degrading are the ones that catch up with the times and stick around for longer. This one has a more ‘respect me’ vibe that probably won’t gel well with most people,” she points out. The comedian also says that it seems like the term is coined from a politically correct background than with the attempt to replace the otherwise vulgar labels.

For a better understanding of what prompts this political correctness of the terminologies, Nisha explains the relationship dynamics of today in detail. She says, “Behind the unleashing of cougars in pop culture is what a growing number of sociologists say is a real demographic shift. In India, I think young men these days go for older woman because the virginity bogey has quite evaporated. Relationships just happen, even when you aren’t looking for it. And then the forbidden fruit is always tempting. Where once-certain behaviour is treated as unacceptable, over time, views become more liberal and it becomes acceptable to one,” she smiles, adding that relationships of the sort often begin as a casual idea of a thrill or challenge on both sides.

Nisha Jamvwal

Shaili Chopra of SheThePeople thinks that even as it is doubtful if the terminologies will stick around, she is glad that we are finally looking at relationship power dynamics in a different way. “First, I don’t think that relationships need to have any kind of restrictions depending on age or whatsoever,” she says. Adding that the older man-younger woman dynamic more acceptable to society because that has been the case for years, she says, “For a really long time have men being in relationships with younger women, since they have sought safety in older men — and this is why it is acceptable.”

However, what she adds is that she doesn’t understand why this can’t be changed. “When it comes to relationships, why can’t gender roles be reversed? We will become truly democratic when we let people choose whomever they want to be with,” she asserts.