Single parent, double duty

Of the toughest jobs in the world, being a parent often tops the list. And being a single parent at that is even more difficult. Bollywood celebrities, however, are up for the challenge, and are embracing single parenthood — the latest addition to the list being Karan Johar, who brought his twins home on Wednesday. Only recently, Tusshar Kapoor too announced the arrival of his baby boy.  

Child rearing can be difficult under any circumstances, and without a partner, the stakes are even higher.  “It is always advisable to be honest and tell the child that he/she is going to be raised by a single parent and state the reasons. People often assume that it is okay to keep the child in dark, but sharing the truth honestly will help the child maintain an emotional equilibrium, and help them accept the situation,” says life-coach Freyaz Shroff.

Karan Johar with one of his twins

A single parent may have sole responsibility for all aspects of day-to-day childcare. This can result in added pressure, stress, and fatigue, feels life-coach Khyati Birla, “The pressure will be evident; one needs to be equipped to handle all the situations. It’s very natural for parents to go through a gamut of emotions, and feel guilty about not fulfilling all the duties. Talk to other parents and this will help you realise that everyone is in the same boat as you. Seeking help from other parents won’t make your own parenting skills less worthy,” she says.

One needs to understand that he/she may not be completely capable of nurturing a child alone, asserts Freyaz, “You need to build your own support network, and understand that you can’t raise a child alone, because if you do the child will just be limited to the qualities, which you have, and won’t imbibe all the other beautiful qualities that the world will have to offer,” she shares. There is not going to be a 100 per cent replacement for either of the parents and therefore, “It is necessary to give the child enough role models to learn from. Don’t assume that you are capable of doing everything. Expose them to a bigger network and allow friends and parents to co-parent,” she adds.

A single parent needs to understand that there will be no ‘me time’ — your needs, hobbies, and desires will have to take a backseat, as all the focus would be on raising the child, “One will have to learn to mould their lives completely around their children, and everything else will have to wait till the child grows up and is capable enough to do things on his/her own,” Khyati says.