Time for New Resolutions

Remember the time when a 31st December midnight resolution was something that you made with an intuitive tut-tut in the back of your head already disagreeing with you, as if almost challenging you to hold on to it two weeks into the new year? Well, if you can’t then you have been abstaining for far too long. Or else you are coupled, for nothing sobers up a man faster. We, as men, are such failures at relationships it is a surprise that the word even still exists. If women were any less kinder, they would park us in a test tube and get on with their lives. The world that may arise then may still be far from ideal (as was foretold in Y: The Last Man, the brilliant post-apocalyptic sci-fi graphic novel by Brian K. Vaughan) but at least there won’t be anybody leaving the toilet seat up!

Either ways, today I am here to teach you how to make resolutions that are not only easy to abide by but will also make you a more likeable person in the eyes of your lady-love. Yes, it is truly and finally possible to achieve this ideal best-of-both-worlds situation. But there is some work needed before you can ride this unicorn.

First, start with something simple, like say closing the doors gently when you leave a room. You will find as a male of the species we leave plenty of leeway for improvement simply by virtue of being oblivious to the simplest of etiquette. I am gunning for not interrupting her when she speaks. You will be surprised how many points it can garner.

Secondly, write it down.  Very often it isn’t that we break a resolution as it is a case of us forgetting what we had promised. Male memory is shorter lived than a cake in the vicinity of my hungry beagle pup. So don’t risk it. Our brains can just about handle basic feeding and sleeping functions simultaneously; let’s not stress the circuits any more and relegate the rigorous task of remembering to the record-keeping book.

Another vital point is to make a fixed number of promises but try to find a correlation between them. For example, if you are going to promise to keep the house clean, add to it a task doing the dishes on weekends. If your promise entails taking off from work early, working in a weekend getaway too as part of another commitment. The idea is to link resolutions to deliver a grander experience.

Lastly, don’t overcommit. I almost promised to cook a meal once a week but then better sense prevailed; I knew I wouldn’t last a fortnight and be back in the doghouse. So keep your promises simple and doable yet accountable and admirable. It’s a fine balance, choosing the right ones but take your time doing that rather than trying to figure how to not end up breaking yet another resolution. And on that note, start this one well, make it count, and forget the regrets while remembering the lessons of the year past.

The writer is a lover of wine, song andeverything fine