As the adventures in Blunderland turn uglier, will BoJo survive as the Master?

Columnist  | Farrukh Dhondy

Opinion, Oped

Now the majority of the Bestminster Parlez-shop are opposed to this scheme of leaving the European Bunion without a deal.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson (Photo: AFP)

“Consciousness and
Are distinct dependent things
One is food, the other
One the air — the other the bird’s wings…”
From Framroz Noo Framework by Bachchoo

Bojo is back in Blunderland, scurrying back from the United Nations to face a chorus of calls to resign from the office of Prime Monster after the UK Supreme Court unanimously ruled that he acted illegally in suspending the Parlez-shop of Bestminster.

The story so far: Bojo came to be Prom Monster through the votes of his Story Party members, who number a geriatric 0.07 per cent of Blunderland’s population. Nevertheless, he and his Weirdo Sancho Panza, Dominant Goings, insist that this was “democratic” (somewhere in Germany a rumbling was witnessed above the grave of one Jo Goebbels!).

Bojo, on the advice of Goings, immediately on entering 10 Drowning Street, declared that he would take Blunderland out of the European Bunion by the witching hour on the 31st of October, the ghoul festival of Halloween. He repeated this mantra endlessly in the hope that the Bigots of Blunderland who didn’t want the Oompah-Loompahs of the European Bunion to enter the country (You’ve got your children’s stories mixed up, you idiot! — Ed. Kya farrak? — fd) would see him as their redeemer.

Now the majority of the Bestminster Parlez-shop are opposed to this scheme of leaving the European Bunion without a deal. It would turn Blunderland into a place of uncertainties and shortages and even possibly a slave to Donald McDonald Tramp’s patrio-idiotic alliance.

So Bestminster voted in several ways to block Bojo and his Cabinet — which incidentally contains a very severe person called Uglee Patel who is home monster and on being appointed as such announced that she wanted all lawbreakers to be severely penalised so that their pips squeaked — but more of that determination’s challenge soon.

Now Bojo and Weirdo (the “loser” Goings) wanted to stop Bestminster interfering with their “leave October 31” mantra and so Bojo went to the Queen to get her to sign a declaration to suspend Bestminster. He said it was so that he could announce that Uglee would build more prisons, increase the police force and how he would start several chocolate factories and give free sweeties to all.

The Queen signed and Bestminster was sent on its holidays. But Blunderland doesn’t like dictatorial moves or being gagged. Several democrats questioned this act of Bojo’s in the courts. They argued that the real reason for shutting down Bestminster was so that it couldn’t put spanners in Bojo’s mantra’s works. Bojo actually extended his mantra and announced at the Mad Matters tea party that he “would rather die in a ditch” than reverse his mantra of leaving the Bunion on that date.

I have since reliably gathered that several million spades and excavators immediately began digging ditches in eager anticipation.

These court moves wound up in the Supreme Court where 11 judges, after hearing the arguments on both sides, unanimously judged that Bojo, by following his Weirdo Svengali’s tactics, had lied to the Queen and acted unlawfully. Bestminster had not therefore been closed down and could immediately reconvene — which it did on Wednesday last.

One of its members, David Lammy, now demanded that Uglee Patel make good her promise to deal with lawbreakers with the cruelty they deserved and act against the person the Supreme Court had declared a liar and lawbreaker. That being said, one can’t see either Uglee standing behind Bojo on the edge of one of the aforesaid ditches wielding an executioner’s axe. There is of course a diminutive fellow called Michael Grovel in Bojo’s gang who is known for backstabbing and he is probably even now sharpening his dagger and crossing his fingers with a wish that some ditch would deserve Bojo so he can move to succeed him and move into 10 Drowning Street.

On Wednesday, Bojo declared to the Parlez-shop that he profoundly disagreed with the court. Obviously, every murderer, rapist and fraudster convicted by a court says that he profoundly disagrees with the judge and judgment.

Instead of packing his bags, Bojo decided to bare his now-blunted teeth. He used his speech to call his opponents, those who had succeeded in bringing him to justice, “surrenderers” and other things amounting to labeling them traitors and quislings. He and Weirdo and perhaps Uglee and his chancellor Sadly Jaded the banker, together with the rest of the Cabinet who prefer to agree with Bojo rather than resign in the face of the constitutional abuse by their collective government, now call the political battle one between the people and the “elite”. This elite is the democratically elected Parlez-shop and the 11 judges of the Supreme Court.

Bojo and gang contend that they represent real “democracy” because in 2016, 51-plus per cent of the voters of Blunderland voted to leave the Bunion and 48-plus voted to remain. Bojo’s contention is that this plebiscitary “democracy” overrules the Parlez-shop democracy and his lawyers in the Supreme Court argued that judges have no business poking their beaks into “democracy” at all.

Despite this deep belief in “democracy”, Bojo and Weirdo have set their face firmly against a second referendum, which will certainly determine which way the democratic will of the people wishes to take Blunderland. Both of them are aware that they were part of the team that lied to the public in the 2016 referendum and now that those lies have been exposed and a lot more information has been fed to the public about blundering out of the Bunion, they would be roundly defeated by a confirming “democratic” vote.

So, gentle reader, we are reminded of the wise words of one Lewis Carrol who had his character (almost) ask if the word “democracy” can mean so many different things. To which another character replied, “The question is: Who is to be Master, that is all!”