You wear your finery for the season's festive evening, there's that glimmer of anticipation. You're single and you're ready to mingle, so you put on your finery for the evening and there is hope for that special encounter that sets the pulse racing. So you set forth into the arena, hoping to steer the sparks and fire to that culmination of your fantasy.
It may happen that you meet that someone and that someone who stirs your senses to this exciting crescendo that transforms the moment to one of magical attraction! Serendipitously, the other is as drawn to you and the evening swirls in a haze of inhibitions cast to the winds, as ‘nature takes its course’! These are liberated times and no more thought needs to accompany the encounter than a happy tryst. The morning after, there need not be about any further commitments and you smile as you put behind the evening as a magical interlude that happened of its own volition, and unplanned so to speak and wait to see how it all pans out.
It may happen and run its course, as in movie-mode. When a couple just meets at a dinner and the air is generally imbued with that x element which charges the atmosphere all around, you let caution fly to the winds.
But it may also happen that the evening flies by. There may have been an opportunity — some sparks and fire too- but for one or the other lack of adroit manoeuvring, the evening slipped by as he or she ruefully headed home alone, disappointed and lonely.
But how do you even connect with that attractive object? Chances are, lady, you may be soundly rebuffed, or gentleman, you are at the receiving end of a strong slighting put-down.
So you cry "Help!" And you ask me if there are some tips, some techniques that "make the connection happen"?
It's an unpredictable field at best, but psychology does suggest some manoeuvres that facilitate.
You've found that the focus of your interest-will is the next step of making him or her aware of your work? Let me stress the need for subtlety and grace when ‘working it’. Any crass clichés and come-hither techniques and you lose the opportunity — maybe for always.
Of course, you've heard that a smile is the best opening gambit, and of course, it is. Elusive too. And it's a social evening so it's likely the smile is encouragingly returned.
From here on, try to gravitate to the proximity of the person. Do play it slow. Perhaps join in the conversation happening in all doses; listen with interesting eye contact when the other speaks. Those are known turn-ons. Let your eyes do the speaking.
You don't want to come on too strong or too obvious. Try to seek an introduction via an acquaintance. Even introduce yourself, but keep your interest friendly, yet subtle and intriguingly nonchalant. That is likely to present a challenge. Let your conversation be about events or things not too personal; a bit of mystique works for you even as your eyes hint at intimacy with an inclusive glint of humour or a mischievous twinkle that by now has you'll in a growing aura of palpable mutual awareness!
One strange aspect I have noted is the tendency of people trying to make a friendly ploy, in an eagerness to give advice on topics that crop up. But ‘agony aunt’ or ‘wise neighbourhood uncle’ are hardly role models of romance! Or perhaps you give vent to emphatic opinions on subjects, with even a strong judgemental stance? Determinedly avoid these traps of emotional overcharge! Avoid like you do body odour, the vociferous tendency to hold forth.
Even a banal conversation is voiced in a seductive lilt. Perhaps join in the conversation in small doses... and the evening swirls in a haze of inhibitions cast to the winds!
Just picture a mild response, an unemotional smiling demeanour, even a sardonic smile that amusedly views life, that’s the way to go if you're to be viewed as charmers.
A seductive laugh, a humorous repartee, a teasing response, such are the components of your arsenal that bring effective victory! Even asking for teeny favour well within the other’s capacity creates a feel-good moment that nourishes intimacy and you are that much nearer that moment where you find yourself invited in for a nightcap!
By now, unless you are suffering from halitosis, there is a desire for greater intimacy of contact. Use it adroitly and yet with subtlety as you let a hand rest upon his forearm as you emphasise a point or he lightly has a hand about your waist as he leads you to the dinner or better still the dimly lit sit-out!
Of course, the hand remains some moments longer than expedient as your body language sends the right signals!
And the guards of social formality melt away, as does the need for tips and techniques as natural instincts honed over millions of years come into their own,
This or a similar scenario unfolds and if you've reached here, all mankind’s instinctual know-how of millions of years takes over; You don't anymore need tips easing you both into the play of what is called "The Mating Game!"
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at nisjamvwal@ gmail.com