These habits can sabotage your budding relationship

The Asian Age.

Life, Relationship

If you want your dates to blossom into a relationship, be careful to not sabotage at the initial stages.

While finding out basic things like what their life goals are, are they open to getting married and having kids is normal, don’t already start planning a life with them. (Photo: Representational/Pixabay)

Dating someone and getting into a relationship are often confused with each other and thought to be the same thing. But in reality, they are different steps in which the connection between two people progresses.

The early stages of dating can be thrilling. During this time, the couple gets to know each other and spends time together to know the likes, dislikes and the personality. This time is crucial and can either make or break the bond that can form in the future. Due to high amounts of euphoria, the couple is usually blinded by love to see the realities and practicality of the relationship.

Fantasising about a relationship during the dating period can sabotage the relationship before it even starts. “Unfortunately, most adults who are dating bring all the memories, good and bad, from past encounters with them,” said Tina Konkin, relationship coach. Those old memories can lead to harsh encounters and eventually lead to sabotage of the relationship.

“An example of that would be: You discover on the second date that the guy you had a great first date with chews his food like your dad .… and your dad was an abuser — boom, done, history. Just that simple. Something that could possibly be good, gets annihilated by a trigger memory from your past and bang, just like that, it’s over before it has a chance to get started,” explained Konkin.

Don’t map out the rest of your life with the person just after couple of dates. Setting up fantastical expectations early on will only disappoint you later on which could result in a break up. Here are some common dating habits that must be broken, as listed by The Zoe Report:

Ignoring red flags

“If you know your partner has said or done certain things that rub you the wrong way or give you a bad feeling in your gut, don't get swept away by the idea of being in a relationship," said Lewis, relationship coach "Instead, decide if this is the person you want it to be with. Ask him or her what they meant by what they said or did. If they rationalise it, don’t go with it or sweep it under the rug — it will come back to haunt you later.”

Counting your relationship before it hatches

While finding out basic things like what their life goals are, are they open to getting married and having kids is normal, don’t already start planning a life with them. "Get to know your date first and become closer before deciding to have these types of conversations or creating this narrative in your head. This creates unnecessary pressure on both sides,” said Lewis.

Disparaging your ex

Prevent dragging issues of an old relationship into the new relationship. Saying a couple of sentences here and there is harmless but then divulging into a full-fledged discussion about your “horrible ex” and getting into all the details of why it didn’t work is not a good idea at all. It will then appear as if you are stuck in the past and not ready to let go of the ghosts of your past relationship.

Presenting a different image of yourself

“Misrepresenting who you are on the first few dates will lead to failure down the line," said Lewis. "Do not lie about your employment, where you live, what your goals or dreams are. Don’t try to change your beliefs to appease your date. Dress the way you usually do, speak your mind, and share your opinions. By sharing false information about yourself to impress your date, he or she isn’t learning to love the real you and it will only lead to heartbreak in the end.”