A Kashmiri bride is flanked by her parents ahead of her rukhsati (when the bride moves in with her huband in his house). (Photo: H.U. Naqash)

Srinagar: More than 90 per cent marriages in the Valley used to be ‘arranged’ by professional brokers of the two families who would take pride in playing a key role in orchestrating the couple’s relationship.

One assignment fetches a handsome amount to the professional broker or middleman or matchmaker called manzium yoar (manzium yarin for a woman . They would go home rich as parents/guardians of both the bride and the groom ensure a hefty bakhshish at the end of the wedding for his or her services. But with several youth of the Valley choosing their life partners on their own,  the earnings of  professional brokers’ are witnessing a big drop.

J&K’s economy is based on agriculture, horticulture, handicrafts and tourism. Its people live close to nature, the cycle of seasons governing their lifestyle. This peaceful and pastoral existence is emulated vibrantly in the folk music, festivals, dances, which celebrate harvest,  births, festivals, religious occasions and, of course, marriages.

Most weddings take place in the months of spring or autumn. In villages, however, post-harvest time is considered ideal for nuptials for a variety of reasons.

Kashmiri Pandit (Hindu) weddings are not fully in conformity with marriages in Muslim families, but there are certain traditions, which are common to both. Wazwaan is something which does not sidestep the menu at the Hindu weddings either.

Unfortunately, one does not come across many Hindu weddings in J&K today as most Pandit families fled the Valley once the separatist campaign turning violent in 1989-90. Most weddings in the Pandit families, which stayed on in the Valley, are a close-knit affair with almost no customary amusements.

A traditional Kashmiri wedding starts with thap when, as per custom, a close female relative like mother or sister or both accompanied by an elderly male member visits the would-be-bride’s house to literally catch her. Jewellery or cash or both are offered to symbolize acceptance and commitment of taking her home as bride. But with the modernisation of Kashmiri society, the meeting of the boy and the girl is arranged often outside the home at Sufi shrines, Moghul gardens, restaurants, hotels and other public places.

Manzium yoar or manzium yarin  play a pivotal role in prearranging such encounters and overall wedding indenture. The main reason for meeting outside is that if the boy does not approve of the girl the two can separate easily rather than meet up at home.

Amongst Kashmiri Muslims the girl often does not have the freedom to reject the boy, while a boy can reject a girl. Hence when the girl appears for the  thap, she has already accepted him as her groom and only waits for the boy or his family to express their acceptance of the match.

After the couple sides have accepted each other, preparations for other rituals begin. It is now the turn of the girl’s side to send Wazwan, the rich Kashmiri cuisine, fresh and dry fruits and pastry and other expensive bakery items to the boy’s house. The gesture is returned in a similar fashion, besides gifting jewellery and other ornaments to the girl either as part of formal engagement.

In case of engagement ceremony, lunch or dinner is served to the guests from the boy’s side whose number is mutually determined beforehand.

Then comes the turn of the boy to receive gifts called hazri which includes jewellery, expensive fabric, cosmetics, perfumes and usually also a copy of Quran and prayer mat. Even the boy’s parents, brothers and sister, aunts, uncles and other close relations figure in the beneficiaries list.

Nevertheless, exceptions are there. As Islam does not approve of it, religiously conscious people do not accept any gifts from the girl’s side, but give her gifts beside mehr (an amount approved by the Muslim law) at the time of nikaah.

Nikaah (where for all religious and practical purposes the couple is married to each other) and rukhsati (when the bride moves in with her fiancé in his house) follow.

It is when the groom with baraatis head for bride’s house and returns home with her. Wazwaan, Kashmir’s most formal meal, and weddings are inseparable. In fact, wazwaan is not a simple meal, but a ceremony itself. Hours of cooking and days of planning go into the making and serving of wazwaan.

Normally restricted to occasions of celebrations at homes, the wazwaan experience includes table settings for groups of four on the floor where choice dish after dish such as methi, tabakhmaaz, roganjosh, rista, variety of Kebabs and vegetables, gushtaba, is served, each aromatic with herbs and the fresh produce of the region.