Shobhaa De | How many ‘chaiwallas’ can India have? Ask Bill Gates

I don’t know about any of you, but I am fully fida over one particular “chaiwallah” in India. The very, very famous one. He’s iconic. Wears amazing clothes. Has swag. Has rizz in plenty. Is a showman par excellence. Exudes charm. His one-liners are big hits on the social media. And Microsoft’s Big Daddy Bill Gates is his biggest fan. Chill, ya...

It isn’t “that” chaiwalla. Disappointed, kya??? I’m talking about a man named “Dolly”. Yup. That’s his name. And he is from Nagpur, not Vadnagar (Mehsana district). Hello, Dolly! Kaisey ho, ji? Wah! How does it feel to be a big celebrity internationally? I’m coming to Nagpur to click a “salfie” with you soon. Kyon? Arrey! You served Dolly ki Chai to Bill Gates -- kamaal ki baat hai. That too without knowing who the hell Bill Gates is. Nice! To Dolly, Bill Gates was just another middle-aged gora lining up for chai. When the gora said, “One Chai, please…” Dolly handed it to him, and soon Dolly ki Tapri went viral. “Mein proud feel kar raha hoon,” said Dolly later, after the eager TV wallas landed up to interview him.

Dolly is a hardworking chap for ten long years, starting his day at 6 am and shutting shop at 8 pm. No free chai, says our Dolly. Not even to Gates Sirji. At seven bucks a glass for special chai, Dolly and his brother work all day, every day, even on Sundays. Dolly puts on a unique show with his deft moves as he transfers tea from the kettle to the glass, in a superbly choreographed sequence. No wonder Dolly has one million followers on Instagram, and fans wait eagerly to see what sort of stunt Dolly will pull off next -- will his strawberry-coloured mop of hair be dyed a deep shade of purple next? What about his canary yellow shirt?? Green pants? Dolly admits superstar Rajnikanth is his “guru” and he tries hard to emulate his screen antics. Going by Bill Gates’ reaction to Dolly (“You can find innovation at every turn and move in India…”), Dollyji ka future is looking bahut hi bright. He said he wasn’t doing anything special when Bill Gates dropped by. He was just serving chai to “a guy from a foreign country…” Ummm, yes, I suppose you could refer to the co-founder of Microsoft, with a net worth of 12,840 crores USD, as just another guy from a foreign country. But hey, our Dolly has now set his sights on much higher goals. Says Dolly cheekily: “I’m looking forward to many more chai pe charchas…” He wants to serve tea to India’s original Chaiwalla soon. Maybe Dolly can stand for elections? He will win, too! Till then, let’s give him a Padma Shri, shall we???

India’s “ornery” folks are having their time under the hot sun, for sure. Bill Gates picked a chaiwalla, and popstar Rihanna chose to fling her arms around unsuspecting security men at the airport. She also hugged female cops, sportingly posed for selfies with randos, while her own beefy bodyguards looked on helplessly. Maybe Rihanna mixed up countries and cultures (she mixed up quite a few other important things, like names), for she kept her head modestly covered with a dupatta while in public spaces. Sweet of her to show so much respect for “Indian traditions”, but hey… she forgot all about offending Indian sensibilities during her raunchy, crotch-touching performance. I tell ya… these ignorant phirangis. Maybe Rihanna’s minders mixed up India with Saudi Arabia. It happens… Geography ke saath gadbad. Most Americans don’t know where India is. Nor do they care. Ignorant and smug, they live in their tiny neighbourhood ponds and that’s enough for them. But… dekho… even our village folk dream of going to Amrikka someday. Any visiting gora is automatically treated like a demi-God and assumed to be “aamir”.

Rural India is increasingly being showcased in mainstream movies. The shift in locales from big bad cities to smaller towns had started ten years ago. Tier-2 and Tier-3 lifestyles were showcased most convincingly in hit films. Now, a modest movie like Kiran Rao’s latest -- Laapata Ladies -- a quirky, heart-warming look at a crazy twist that transforms lives after two ghungatwali brides get swapped on a train, is creating big waves… The premise is charmingly explored as two sets of families deal with the shock of getting the wrong bride home. Behind this seemingly simple plot, several uncomfortable home truths get exposed, in particular, the “training” imparted to young girls before they are sent off to their marital homes. Eyes must remain downcast -- is one instruction. And never utter your husband’s name -- is the other. Then, of course, there are dowry issues to confront, apart from the almost complete suppression of a bride’s dreams and identity. These strong social messages are well-packaged, adopting witty dialogues and situational comedy to highlight the paradoxical realities of life in our villages. I came away smiling, delighted that Kiran had pulled off another little gem, minus any star power or fanfare. This is what good story telling and confidence are capable of delivering to audiences hungry for good content.

The same week, I read a news item and did a double take. Back to the Stone Age, ladies. Henceforth, if you are thinking of hanging on to your maiden name, after shaadi (or divorce), you will need to get an NOC (no objection certificate) from your pati dev! Here’s a question… What if hubby dearest wants to adopt his wife’s surname and discard his own? Will he require an NOC too? The Central government’s notification, that was issued by the ministry of housing and urban affairs, imposes these absurd conditions exclusively on women. Fortunately, a notice has been sent to the Centre on a plea filed by Divya Modi alleging gender bias and “impermissible discrimination” against women. One wonders what the urbane, suave and articulate ministersaab -- Hardeep Singh Puri -- has to say about this debacle.