Matters of refinement

Good manners are loved by ladies and gentlemen alike, and can make a world of difference

I recently met a lady who recognised me for my column; it was extremely heartening to learn that my entire readership extends to more than just me and my editor. I thanked her profusely. And the only reason I mention this now is because it happened and I had my wits about me to behave in a manner becoming in such a situation. As men it is easy to forget that we can’t always be boys and have to step up and display manners and etiquette — two words that I find highly lacking today and yet, two words that make a world of difference.

I am quite certain that when women say they like a guy with a sense of humour it is a distant second to the assumption that the said man will be well-mannered and show some degree of refinement. Here are five things a man must remember to inculcate into his character, not just on the first date, but ever after.

Salutations: It might sound oddly archaic to wish someone the time of the day but it is still the best ice-breaker that I know of in any social setting. Whether you know the lady or not, it is always pleasant to start with this. Sure, ‘Wassup’ and ‘Hiya’ work — if you are 15!

Courtesies: It doesn’t cost anything to say ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ and yet the world seems to be short on stock of both. Make this a habit and you shall find yourself becoming kinder in your conduct not just around the fairer sex. More empathetic and less apathetic, a woman can not only sense these qualities but is positively attracted to the former.

RSVP: Part of the courtesy column really, it is always a great idea to let the lady know of your expected time of arrival before you actually turn up at her door. It is also polite to excuse yourself if late, or early. And it is most vital to return calls and messages, not just with women but with the lads too.

Token gifts: It is never good to turn up empty-handed. Yes, we as men doubt the sanity of anybody who thinks something as cruel as cut flowers are a lovely gift but it seems to work, and avoids the hassle of providing exchange receipts for anything else that you may buy. Wine is a good one but one never knows how much to spend. In either or any case, it is all still better than empty-handed.

Handkerchiefs: Yes, for all the “mamma’s boy” taunts you may hear, there is nothing like being armed with a handkerchief when you least expect it and it is called into play. Again, it isn’t just for your female friends, but for yourself as well. Being men, we sweat, if not getting our paws grubby with some form of dirt or another. Hankies help. I have recently been reintroduced to them after almost decades of separation and I am cursing the ignorance in between.

Yep, tall order, and I’d be surprised if any one of us can see it through. As I comb through it again, I realise that I make it sound as if being well-mannered is only about pleasing the woman but that is certainly not the intent. It helps overall too but with women, considering how many ways there are for us men to lose the few hard-earned brownie points that we may have amassed, minding our P’s and Q’s is a sensibly smart way to retain them.

The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine