How not to break-up

There’s no foolproof method of calling it quits, relationship experts share how to lessen the heartache

There is no easy way to break up with someone, but there is certainly a right way to approach it. Ending a relationship over a text, however tempting, is definitely a no-no. Earlier this week, singer Perrie Edwards confirmed that her ex, Zayn Malik, broke up with her over a text message, in a leaked extract from her band’s new book. Relationship experts say that even though texting may be a common way to communicate these days, it certainly shouldn’t be an option to call off a relationship.

“Text messages can be cold and disrespectful,” observes relationship expert Dr Seema Hingorany. She cautions, “If you have been together, the least you can do is give them the closure. Text messages can only make a break-up ugly.” She suggests that it will help by putting yourself in your partner’s shoes. Before coming up to a decision about breaking up, Seema suggests writing a list as to why you think it is time to call it quits. She states, “Make a list as to why you are breaking up with your partner. Ask yourself: why I should break up, why I shouldn’t break up, why I should stay together, why I should not stay together Reflect on the list and ask yourself if these problems can be solved. This routine can help get clarity about your relationship.”

Life coach Chetna Mehrotra says being sensitive to the partner’s feelings, while having the talk, can help ease the tension. She says, “If you have made up your mind that a break-up is inevitable, you need to put your message across politely. You shouldn’t blame them or their inadequacies for the split. Take the responsibility of the split rather than blaming the other. Don’t say something like you don’t have feelings for them anymore. Give good reason about your decision.” She cautions that the news can evoke various reactions, depending on the personality — there can be denial, begging, crying and even abuse. She adds, “A break-up is painful. Some words will be thrown around and it won’t be nice. It is not a negotiation — you need to make your point, but make sure you do not solely put the blame on your partner.”

While staying in good terms with your ex seems hunky dory, psychotherapist Dr. Kashish A. Chhabria says that it is best to stay away from each other to recover from the break-up. She states, “Both parties are going to need the time and space to move on. Friendship is possible only when partners have moved on. Let it develop organically — it isn’t necessary that every relationship can develop into a friendship.”