:: Cyrus Broacha

Would Jackson like to go black again?

Cyrus Broacha

Let me start by blowing my nose. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let me start again. Let me start by wishing A Very Happy Children’s Day to all adults except Michael Jackson.

They say the children are our future, but bear in mind that "they" never identify themselves, so it’s difficult for us to initiate a dialogue with "them". Bear in mind, also that many children today look like their grandparents, a bi-product of ageing early in these trying times. So technically, it’s fair to assume that instead of their future, the children are really our past.

Speaking of the future, the world seems to have got a second chance with the arrival of the United State’s President-elect Barack Obama. This columnist, who goes by the pen name Bhanumati Ghosh, has been flooded by millions of enquires, three of which were in English, on Barack Obama. Some of the questions were difficult to answer, questions like "How many fingers does Barack Obama have on his right hand? Or does Barack have a Pan card number? If so please share it with us? Or, does Obama really mean great hairy carpet in Hungarian? And, of course, the perennial: Is he a leg man or a chest man? Leaving these queries aside I have researched Barack Obama thoroughly, without ever actually touching him, and I’ve put together a little report or rather a little portrait for you all to get to know him better.

Barack Obama was born Vincent Augustine Theobald the second, however after consulting a Punjabi numerologist, his mother shortened his name to Barack.

As a young child he often pronounced the letter "M" as "B". O Mama, thus became O baba, and when he was gargling simultaneously, Obama.

In the third grade his rendition of the song Memory led to utter chaos, due to the above obvious reason. As a boy, Obama was tall for his age, though as a girl he was definitely just average.

In his youth Obama was a great sportsman, he loved playing rummy, and arm wrestling, often at the same time. As a 14-year-old he won the Hawaii state arm wrestling competition, though critics claimed he won only because of his unusual technique which allowed him to use two hands.

As a young man he was known to be politically inclined and highly ambitious. He would often say that when he attained adulthood he wanted to become the building secretary. Experts say it’s never to late to realise this boyhood dream and if he was to give up the American presidency half way he still can realise his dream of building secretary.

Barack’s favourite colour was blue, favourite number was nine and favourite trouser was somebody else’s.

His favourite cartoon was Tom & Jerry (remember this was pre George W. Bush) and he often wrote in to the show’s producers requesting them to allow Tom to eat up Jerry, so he could get on with his homework.

As an intellectual he’s streets ahead of W. For example, he knows much more about India such as a) India is a country, b) It’s over there and c) it’s not over here.

W, of course famously thought India was a painter from London, who was greatly admired in art circles. (Though this did turn out to be true)

Will Obama bring peace? Will he heal the world? Will Michael Jackson go black again in a show of solidarity? These answers, only time will tell.

Happy Children’s Day and to my wife I say, "please no more children!"