:: Cyrus Broacha

Wish Mayawati had not bunked physics

Cyrus Broacha

The ancient Greeks or was it the Cypriots, nay the Greeks... anyhow the ancient Assyrians had an interesting take on marriage. A woman’s hand in marriage was given on the basis of cows. The maximum bid was three cows, the maximum ceiling was 10 cows. If at the end of all the cow bids, bidding was tied, they moved onto ducks, then pigeons, then hamsters, snails and finally the ancient Assyrian game, the precursor to chess called "whose mother-in-law to be is hairier?"

However, let’s not concern ourselves with the ancient Assyrians and their marriage culture, since it has no bearing on the story and was only written to see if this pen has ink and will hold up. Let’s instead turn to the ancient Abyssinians who had a fantastic take on marriage. Under Abyssinian law, motorists were not allowed to take left turns...I digress again, let’s move back to marriage. Under Abyssinian law a married couple had to reaffirm their marriage vows, every three years (initially the period suggested was 4 years but since that clashed with the Olympics better sense prevailed and it was whittled down to three). This idea was the first step towards what modern society calls a "trust vote". It is not quite a big election, but more like a mid-election to decide how many minutes to go before the big election. To fully comprehend why we’ve been stuck with this trust vote, Professors Sarkozy & Subramanium (not related) have put together a beginner’s guide. So here goes: Nuclear Deal. The trust vote is over the sitting government, the UPA’s (sitting government is a pointless expression, as have you every seen a government that’s not sitting) obstinate stand to go in for nuclear enhancement and exchange in order to harness nuclear energy for civil and non-military use.

This actually translates into the UPA trying to woo the west, so all their leaders and families who haven’t visited Disneyland, the Eiffel Tower, the Tower of London and the Louvre will get an opportunity to do so this Diwali. The Left is opposing this deal because all their family members have already seen the Eiffel Tower, the Tower of London, Disneyland and the Louvre. In fact, apparently, quite a few of their families and relatives actually work at these centres of pleasure.

The BJP, whilst actually for the deal (since they all have Schengen Visas with multiple entries from their days in power), have to pretend they are against it due to force of habit. Of course, if they were to come to power the first thing they’ll do is revive the nuclear deal and find new recreation centres for their sworn enemies turned best friends, the Left. The centres could be in North Korea, Cuba, China and if fuel surcharge is unbearable, Calcutta.

The BSP is neither for the deal nor against it. In fact, when nuclear fission or fusion was being taught in physics class, young Mayawati was absconding. It was later confirmed that she was, in fact, taking an extra class in sculpture. However, if pushed into the pinnacle post, Mayawati has promised to replace the nuclear deal with her ...er statue. Her hope is that instead of harnessing nuclear energy India harness energy derived from staring at her statue.

The SP is now run by members who are either NRIs or part of the Bachchan Unforgettable Tour as back up dancers so their loyalties are abundantly clear.

Whatever happens, the end result is very clear: The party in power will get to go to the Olympics where traditionally India has the largest contingent of 900 participants comprising 897 officials and 3 athletes called Anju, Bobby & George.