Till death do me apart

You know what they say about suckers, there’s one born every minute. Trouble is, not all of them die young. Some survive and manage to infect a good few with their brand of idiocy. Over time, mankind finds a cure for most such curses, if they don't die off themselves eventually, but till such point, some can rise to the level of global epidemics. The gun lobby is one such mass-scale stupidity, another is the extremely vegan brigade. Then there are the ultra-runners and the cyclists in their crotch-hugging gear, and finally, this latest edition to the pile decrepit, Sologamy.

Now, for those with an etymological bent of mind, they have possibly figured what this new style of stupid simple-mindedness is but for the others, allow me to explain. Tired of bad relationships or the endless wait for the right one to come along, people — well, mostly women for now — are tying the knot with themselves. Yes, you read that right, their own friggin selves! These are not people with a split personality or any form of schizophrenia; I suspect whatever it is they suffer from, it is definitely deeper and graver.

So, if you are ever invited to one such reception, be prepared to see your acquaintance walk down the aisle all by herself. They will then proceed to read out some vows pledging allegiance to themselves. Loyalty, love, whatever else, all thrown into the mix exclusively for themselves. To me, it sounds like narcissism by another nomenclature, one that tries to make it sound legit to others around you. Frankly, I am a narcissist and the first thing anybody needs to know about self-worship is that you don't really care what others think. So, to me, this whole going out of your way to tell others just how deeply committed are to yourself seems balmy and a waste of other people’s time and the sologamist’s money.

If you thought monogamy and polygamy have been hard enough to corner, sologamy presents a whole new set of concerns. I read up about a few cases — case studies more like — and these women were on their honeymoons and anniversaries, by themselves. That shows commitment. But wait, many of them confided that although sologamous, they were open to the idea of meeting other people and even coupling with them, perhaps even long term. This made me really question the sanity of their convictions. Wouldn’t that amount to cheating? How do you trust yourself after that? More importantly, how can one expect their new partner-to-be to trust them if you can't trust yourself why should they? I am asking serious questions but I still find the lightness and the laughably mock-worthy side of this concept hard to escape. So excuse me if I chuckle even as I put forth these deep-seated queries about long-term relationships. So, if you are single and wish to couple up, consider the cons: smelly person to share the bed, clothes stewn about, an unreliable forgetful partner, a pair of clumsy hands and feet, and an extra very big mouth to feed. Or stay single. But if you are considering sologamy, I think a lobotomy is cheaper and with more convincing results.

That said, if any friend of mine, however, invited me to their sologamous ceremony of a declaration of self-love, I’d turn up just for the buffet spread and a song n’ dance.

The writer is a lover of wine, song and everything fine