Each person is his/her own kind of beautiful. And in a relationship, one should not need to conform to what another wants one to look like.
When you look at attraction versus ‘fairness’ of the complexion, quite obviously the more enduring qualities in a relationship are warmth and endearment. But when a woman’s worth is measured merely by the fairness of her skin, then folks need to broaden their outlook because it does not assure fairness of character.
The sense of self-assurance that accompanies the best version of yourself that you can aspire to be, is immense, and you end up being more fulfilled if your self-esteem is wholesome. In a relationship, to feel nourished about what you are and not allow another to push you to be their version of what you should conform to, is much healthier for the relationship all around.
Matrimonial portals, newspaper ads and match-makers are almost entirely crowded with requests for “fair, homely bride!” His own skin tone is above consideration while both the terms imply the subjugation of the woman to standards he decides as virtue and beauty.
Attractiveness is another thing altogether and all people need to be encouraged to be their best. Improving your appearance, dressing to your suitability, grooming — be it in men or women — is definitely a worthy endeavour. However much people may pretend to be okay with their chubby backside or tiered mid-riff, they would invariably revel in the joy of transforming themselves into svelte, smooth-toned selves!
It is a joy to see a confident lady, nonchalantly pleasant in her appearance, celebrating herself. Yet not obsessed about her looks or the props of accessories that seem to be another fixation after the ‘fairness’. What matters is to groom oneself, be well turned out and boost one’s sense of wellbeing not because another is expecting that of you or judging you by, but to enhance one’s personal feeling — of an individual identity. It’s true, no one can be too presentable. But style is something that stays forever, that innate ability to carry oneself with grace. To wear what works for you than go blindly with trends.
Amidst the obsession with fair skin, there is also a growing number of blondes in our otherwise brunette scenario. While it is a personal choice, and all individuals must be encouraged to allow their individuality to surface, the desire to be a white, Caucasian, blonde version of you must be introspected. It merits checking whether it is a colonial hang-up that ends up making you look incongruous.
Attractiveness is a self-promoting quotient. An individual choice. You want to be slim? Let no one chide you. You prefer to be a shade fairer? The constitution gives you the right. What is to be condemned is when a prospective husband, mother-in-law, society or more often profit-making commercial companies force-feed you with marketing avalanches and brain-wash you into what size, colour, hair-tone you need to be.
It’s important to feel beautiful and happy, whatever it takes. No man or woman can resist that in any relationship. And you don’t even need that endorsement from any man or woman. You have made of yourself a confident, happy, liberated person by just being you.
The writer is a columnist, designer and brand consultant. Mail her at email@example.com