The Unbearable heaviness of being

It was a dark Thursday morning, as Bengaluru woke up to the news of a 14-year-old boy killing himself over losing a student council elections. The weight of defeat was perhaps a bit too much for the youngster to bear. But this isn’t a one-off. In other news, a well-known biker Chetna Pandit hung herself, over unfulfilled goals in a note sent, sending shock-waves across the country. The message is clear — this generation is grappling with failure and in some instances, are led by instant gratification. So when things do not go their way, they resort to drastic measures.

In the ‘insta’-era of gratification, even small niggles are enough to induce massive disappointment. But that is not all. Contemplating suicide can be attributed to varied underlying factors. Often, issues and stressors are swept under the carpet. And that is where the concern magnifies. What stirs an individual to resort to suicide? What does an individual do when they hit an all-time low, and think they have nobody to turn to? Is loneliness in the age of social media a huge factor?  Experts and city youngsters explore the many facets that lead to such decisions.

Nelson V. Moses, founder, Suicide Prevention India Foundation

Most of us don’t know: “Most of us are unaware of the varying degrees of sadness. A bad mood often spills into the day, all throughout, and for some, the feelings of gloom become ‘a usual thing’. So many of us aren’t scared to put up a feeling blue or lonely status. But what’s scary is that most of us tend to overlook that need to share such feelings, and don’t even consider seeking help. You also can’t bank on friends and acquaintances as nobody likes to be seen as intrusive. I really feel there should be more confidential self-help forums to help youngsters speak up,” reveals Vishnu Ramashekhar, a 24-year-old student.

Yash Chabbria, a 25-year-old, thinks it’s okay to share what you feel, but one needs to be cautious of the recipient. “One needs to be aware of their true self-worth. People need to take some time out of their busy schedules to infuse some positivity and spirituality to quash those negative thoughts. Seek help, but also make a conscious choice to think and be positive.”

Expert views: Nelson V. Moses, founder, Suicide Prevention India Foundation, believes suicide is a combination of many factors. “The causes for suicide range from mental health issues, bullying, sexual abuse, relationship stresses, history of family suicide, ill health, exam pressures, poor academic performance and substance abuse. Usually, there’s no single reason but a combination of many factors. Talk to someone whom you trust like a friend, family member or colleague.  Keep affirming to oneself that this feeling will pass. Call a suicide crisis helpline or visit the nearest hospital if feeling acutely distressed. If you have anything that you can use to harm yourself at home, get rid of it. This includes pills, razors and other sharp instruments. Don’t stay by yourself. Ask a friend to come over or go visit a friend.”  

While social interaction could possibly be the last thing depressed individuals would want to do; make the move, advises psychologist Anika C. “Increase social interaction, involve in community activities, become part of a book club or other clubs where they have an interest, increase group-based spiritual or sports related activities, do things beyond work, join new workshops to learn new skills. Also, find a good therapist for talk therapy and learn how to communicate feelings and emotions and form authentic connections. If one has no one to turn to,  the wise decision to make is seek professional help.  There are counselors, psychologists and social workers whom one can turn to for help.”

DT22