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  What makes a cheater stray

What makes a cheater stray

AGE CORRESPONDENT
Published : Jul 7, 2016, 10:02 pm IST
Updated : Jul 7, 2016, 10:02 pm IST

If a latest study is to be believed, it is much difficult for a man to fulfil the promise of being faithful.

In Mad Men, the protagonist Don Draper is a serial cheater  (Photo: Pixabay)
 In Mad Men, the protagonist Don Draper is a serial cheater (Photo: Pixabay)

If a latest study is to be believed, it is much difficult for a man to fulfil the promise of being faithful. A study conducted by Susann Huschke from the University of Witwatersrand in South Africa and Dirk Schubotz of Queen’s University, Belfast state that “men in a relationship, including marriage, pay for sex.” The study, which interviewed 446 men, aged 31 and 50, reasoned that sex with a sex worker is a much honest option than an affair or one-night stands. Despite the most obvious reasons like “cheap thrills”, there could be a number of reasons for this course of action. Life coaches we spoke to tell us that cheating always indicates a greater problem in a relationship.

Life coach Khyati Birla observes that cheating is often seen as an easier solution instead of making the marriage work. She says, “Some men are attracted towards the instantly gratifying one night stands or short lived affairs to avoid the hassle or pain of working on marriage, that may or may not be rewarding, even in the long term. Transient affairs offer them the companionship and warmth without the pressures of being in a committed relationship.”

Sex isn’t always the number one reason why men decide to stray in a relationship — a lack of self-worth is another factor. Life coach Chetna Mehrotra says, “In some cases, cheaters often suffer from low self-esteem, have disapproval at the domestic front or perhaps want an outlet for all the pent up frustration. Hence seeking sex with sex workers becomes the easiest way out as you do not get challenged or judged. Plus there are no hang ups either.”

An emotional disconnect with the partner is another reason that often breaks a relationship. The person in question could have often experienced bouts of loneliness and under appreciation. Chetna continues, “People in marriages don’t always cheat because they want to cheat, but because they sometimes get in situations which compel them to take that path. It could be an abusive marriage, or a loveless life. People will go where they find acceptance — we are hardwired to get attracted towards acceptance and praises.”

Life coach Manoj Lekhi says that communicating about your needs and wants can go a long way in salvaging a relationship. He says, “Don’t assume that your partner knows what’s on your mind. Be expressive and let your partner know what you feel when something isn’t right in your relationship.”

What women can do if they find themselves cheated on An incident of cheating often indicates an underlying problem in the marriage/relationship. It is important to address the problem, and solving it together, instead of calling it quits. Marriage counselling too might help. Of course, if your partner continues to cheat or shows no remorse about cheating, it is best to call it quits. Inputs by relationship expert Seema Hingorany