‘Settle’ for a happy ending

A new study suggests that the key to a happy relationship could be settling down with a compatible partner instead of waiting for Mr or Ms Right

If science is to be believed, there is no point waiting for Mr. Right to settle down with. While countless novels and movies advise us to never settle for anything less than what we deserve, a new study at Texas University reveals that it’s the “knowledge that you have the best possible partner” that is key to making a relationship work.

The study’s author and psychology researcher, Daniel Conroy-Beam, explained that satisfaction need not depend on the ideal match but on the best partner available to us instead. He said, “Satisfaction and happiness are not as clear cut as we think they are. We do not need ideal partners for relationship bliss. Instead, satisfaction appears to come, in part, from getting the best partner available to us.”

Theatre artiste Divya Palat, who has known her husband, actor Aditya Hitkari, for the past 20 years, states that she would have waited for her Mr. Right had Aditya not been in the picture. She says, “I was looking for someone who’d be the yin to my yang, and I am lucky to have found him. I would have waited for ever for my Mr. Right. I don’t settle for mediocrity, least of all when it comes to my partner.”

Relationship experts we spoke to tell us that ditching the checklist we carry around in search of the perfect partner is indeed the way to go. Relationship expert Seema Hingorany says that the idea of Mr. Right or Ms. Right is overrated, and that the “reacher versus settler” debate needs to come to an end. She says, “There will always be a few factors in your checklist that will never be met. Each person has his set of flaws, quirks and baggage. The idea of waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right needs to go — it is a conventional line of thought. If you are reasonably compatible with your partner, there isn’t any need to wait.”

Life coach and relationship expert Chetna Mehrotra recalls an instance where one of her clients was continuously rejecting suitors, but eventually settled for an “average” someone. Today, she believes she has found the perfect one. Chetna says, “It is all about whether you are willing to settle down with someone who isn’t in the top league. One should not ignore the best they have in search of the best they could have. Of course, it is a different problem if your partner has some serious issues.”

While some may argue that believing Mr. ‘Right Now’ to be ‘the one’ is a delusion, Seema says that this “delusion” actually works in a relationship. She says, “What’s wrong with being optimistic about your partner and believing that you have ‘settled’ for the best Looking at the plus point in your relationship is always going to have a positive impact on it.”

Nakuul Mehta, who currently stars in the web series I Don’t Watch TV, believes that looking at someone as a Mr. or Ms. Right is only a matter of perspective. He says, “What one needs to look out for in a partner is someone who accepts you with your quirks and flaws. As long as there is a mutual willingness to grow in the relationship, you will end up with someone who makes for the ‘right’ relationship anyway.”

Actress Archana Purna Singh, who has been married to actor-director Parmeet Sethi for 24 years now adds, “What you may want in your 20s may be different from your needs in your 30s. The idea of a Mr. Right doesn’t always translate into a successful relationship. Indian marriages are practical, rather than romantic alliances and this is probably why our marriages work.”