Dealing with betrayal

Betrayal is something we have all faced — people violating the trust reposed, not being worthy of things done in good faith or worse still stabbing you in the back. It is nothing new. In matters both big and small — perhaps in a business partnership by not honouring their end of the deal or quietly stealing the spotlight, or by withholding vital info in crucial and sensitive matters such as the search for a life partner or when there is a breach of faith when a task is entrusted and confidences are shared or when hidden motives and an agenda begin to surface. What follows is disappointment, hurt and a feeling of being let down which is natural because betrayal is one of the most painful things that can happen to another human being.

Once betrayed , people just freeze and go into protective mode swearing that they will never ever trust another person again. They feel vulnerable and foolish for making an error of judgment and having “allowed” themselves to be taken advantage of. Everyone is henceforth looked at with suspicion. There is anger if the consequences of the betrayal are serious and long term. But we do need to gain some perspective before we over react. What should be of great consolation is the fact that history and our scriptures and holy books too have their share of examples of bitter betrayal. Whether it was Kaikeyi who upon the advice of the evil Manthara asked for her son to be anointed the king and for Rama to be banished to the forest at the most inopportune moment, or Judas letting down Jesus for a mere thirty pieces of silver — these incidents represent betrayal at its very worst.

So the question that begs to be asked is how does one deal with betrayal Tit for tat An eye for an eye Certainly not.

Betrayal is best dealt with not by becoming cynical but by moving on, forgiving and sparing a moment of prayer for the betrayer. That is how Lord Rama and Jesus dealt with it — with absolute equanimity, no bitterness or rancour and in the true spirit of forgiveness.

Dwelling and holding on to what happened is only going to imbue the whole episode with greater energy than it deserves. Putting the memory behind you, getting on with life and focussing on bigger things is the best thing that one can do for oneself. Those who betrayed you will dig themselves in by betraying others. Often this is done for short-term gains and things only rarely go according to plan all the time for the betrayers. Steady loss of credibility will isolate them eventually. As time heals the pain just remember the learning from the experience and nothing else.

The bottom line is not who betrayed you and how but it is how well you handled it and rose above it, doing good in return and not losing faith in the higher power which you can be sure is a power you can completely and totally trust at all times without fear of being betrayed.

The writer is a Reiki channel, yoga practitioner and a spiritual seeker