Start talking to understand stalking

Who amongst us has not followed girls ” With that infamous interpretation of “stalking” while Parliament was debating the Criminal Law (Amendment) Bill 2013, Janata Dal (United) chief and NDA convenor Sharad Yadav has elbowed his way back to the top of the list of people who outrage liberal India. Mr Yadav, of course, revels in such attention. A compilation of 10 sexist remarks by Indian politicians by a magazine last year includes Mr Yadav’s legendary snipe at “short-haired women” (“par-kati auratein”) some years ago. But to focus on Mr Yadav and his ilk in the fight against sexual assaults and violence against women is to miss the larger point. Sadly, millions of Indian men within the political class and outside do not “get” the huge difference between courtship and stalking. That was evident by the peals of laughter from male parliamentarians which greeted Mr Yadav as he went on to explain his opposition to the provisions on stalking and voyeurism in the bill. To Mr Yadav, and all those men who grinned and guffawed, stalking was just a variant of romancing, and to criminalise it is to discriminate against men. “We have all followed women around in youth,” continued Mr Yadav. “Women don’t talk to men first; we men have to follow them and get them to talk. So now will you put all young men in love in jails There aren’t enough jails here. We are all men, after all,” Mr Yadav said. To accept that stalking is a serious matter, one has to first recognise what is not stalking. But where will that understanding come from for people who are born and brought up in a social milieu that does not formally accept either a relationship between a man and a woman outside marriage, nor a woman’s right to privacy and personal space Most young Indians are not taught that a man and a woman have a right to spend time with each other if it is by mutual consent, but no one has a right to force oneself on another and that it is incumbent to take a “no” for a “no” and not persist if the other is not similarly inclined. How many young men and women in this country grow up in families or neighbourhoods where this vital distinction is made clear How many families even in urban India let their children study in co-educational schools and colleges The bill states that anyone “who follows a woman and contacts, or attempts to contact such woman to foster personal interaction repeatedly despite a clear indication of disinterest by such woman; or monitors the use by a woman of the Internet, email or any other form of electronic communication; or watches or spies on a woman in any manner that results in a fear of violence or serious alarm or distress in the mind of such woman, or interferes with the mental peace of the woman, commits the offence of stalking”. This definition is perfect. The trouble is, most men in this country do not fully comprehend what this really means and why it is important. To realise why, let us start with the dictionary. In a standard English-Hindi dictionary (edited by Rama Shankar Shukla), stalking has no synonym, and the nearest explanation is “chori chori peecha karna” (to follow stealthily). This captures neither the possibly criminal intent of the stalker nor the terror and trauma of the victim. Then there are all those scenes in popular cinema that generations of Indian men and women have grown up watching. No film hero worth his salt ever takes “no” for an answer. Persistence pays — that is the unequivocal message. So the hero typically ambushes his “target” with song and dance everywhere she goes, often aided and abetted by friends. What if the heroine genuinely does not want to be chased like this Popular cinema and culture refuse to accept the possibility. Is it any wonder that Indian men growing up on these films also think that the woman they are chasing is just being coy In real life, stalking is menacing and can lead to a violent end. India does not have any official statistics on acid attacks by stalkers, but we all know the stories of women who have been scarred for life through such attacks by men who refuse to take “no” for an answer. There is the notorious case of Sonali Mukherjee who was blinded and disfigured by a stalker and whose story shook the nation when she appeared on Kaun Banega Crorepati in 2012. Last year, Chennai was convulsed by the equally horrific tale of Vinodhini, a 23-year-old software engineer. She was blinded after a man whose overtures she rejected threw acid on her face. Vinodhini died of her wounds. Many more such victims remain unknown. Once the bill becomes law, stalking will become a criminal offence. This is also the first time that acid attack is specifically defined as a crime in India — acid attacks will send culprits to jail for at least 10 years, extendable to life. Some activists argue that stalking being bailable for first time offenders is fraught with risk. It is tough to speculate what will happen once the bill comes into force. But one thing is certain: while this law will help, crimes such as stalking cannot be tackled only by law. In a country where there is often a great deal of awkwardness in social interactions between young men and women, it is going to take a lot of effort to have a frank conversation about what is acceptable and what is not. But if we want our young men to consider stalking as the crime it is, we have to make a start. This will not happen if we continue to fear free mixing between men and women. Outing sexists, whether in Parliament or outside, is necessary but not sufficient. Mr Yadav would not have said what he did if he was not sure that many of his colleagues and large numbers of people outside share his worldview.

The writer focuses on development issues in India and emerging economies.