Children of lesser parents

Once again, we are furiously debating parental abuse. A court in Norway has convicted an Indian couple for allegedly maltreating their seven-year-old son. This is the second time that Indian parents have fallen foul of Norwegian parenting laws. A furious war of words has broken out about good parenting. Suddenly, it is a political, diplomatic, cultural, race-relations and human rights issue, all rolled into one. The Norway “child abuse” saga has also renewed the debate on “tiger” versus tame parenting. So what makes a good parent A random sampling of comments on Twitter from Indians in the country as well as those living outside makes one thing obvious — very many are puzzled by the Norwegian response. Many think that the parents may have gone a little too far but defend the underlying philosophy behind a “few slaps” from “mom and dad” because it apparently “teaches something”. Never mind the law. Others are worried about India’s image and see the episode as a cautionary tale about Indians abroad and European attitudes towards parenting. Much is made of the degree of physical punishment meted out to a child. Who decides how much is enough The standard answer: the parents, of course. I don’t have all the facts of the case, and, therefore, am hesitant to be definitive about the severity of child maltreatment in this instance. From what has appeared in the Indian and international media this week, however, some basic facts emerge. The couple is from Andhra Pradesh. The Oslo district court has charged a software professional who was on assignment in Norway and his wife with “gross repeated maltreatment” of their child and set a jail term of 18 and 15 months, respectively. Norwegian authorities say the child was scalded, hit with a belt and threatened that he would be sent back to India. One reason: he wet his pants while in a school bus. The Norwegian authorities also allege the abuse took place over a long period. The couple and their family stoutly deny the charges and are likely to appeal against the verdict. They are perfectly entitled to take legal recourse and in the coming days we will have, no doubt, more details. The story, meanwhile, has been splashed worldwide; the questions continue to pop up, fast and furious, even as I write. As an Indian parent with an adolescent daughter, I am interested more in the issues that this case has thrown up rather than its specificities. Is it really a clash between Indian and Norwegian/Western parenting philosophy Is good parenting only about good manners Are we saying that while in Norway, we should do as the Norwegians do, but in India one is free to do whatever one wishes because everyone understands the logic of a slap here, a slap there and the hard knocks in between The questions go to the heart of the matter — the way we engage or want to engage with others within the family and outside. Fear-based parenting has many advocates among India’s upward mobile middle class but neither fear-based parenting nor child abuse are uniquely Indian. Parents who terrorise and abuse a child in the name of discipline or “for the child’s good” are found in both, rich and poor countries. Al this despite the research and evident that show that child abuse and neglect can have long-term implications. Child maltreatment is emerging as a public health issue worldwide. In 2008, the Lancet, one of the world’s most influential medical journals, published a series of reports on the subject. Children in highly developed countries suffer abuse and neglect much more often than is reported by official child-protection agencies, and the road ahead remains strewn with daunting challenges, Lancet’s findings revealed. “The modern child protection movement in developed countries stems from the acceptance of two inspiring ideas — that children possess human rights and that children are psychological beings. The first notion has led to governments increasing their role in upholding a child’s right to protection, but not necessarily their rights to provision of and participation in care,” Dorothy A. Scott, one of the authors, noted. One of the reports in the Lancet series dwelt specifically on the “burden and consequences of child maltreatment in high-income countries”. The report’s authors argued that child maltreatment substantially contributes to child mortality and morbidity and has long-lasting effects on mental health, drug and alcohol misuse (especially in girls), risky sexual behaviour, obesity and criminal behaviour, which persist into adulthood. It further said that every year “about 4-16 per cent of children are physically abused and one in 10 is neglected or psychologically abused”. However, official rates for substantiated child maltreatment indicate less than a tenth of this burden, the report pointed out. In India, there is a dearth of updated statistics about child abuse. Although the vulnerability of children to abusive practices is recognised in the Indian Constitution, most research till date has focused on children’s survival needs, malnutrition, child labour, child marriage and so on. Medical literature in the country has few clinical studies of child injuries, which suggest that some maltreatment of children may be the result of harsh discipline imposed by family members. A 2007 study on child abuse in India conducted by the ministry of women and children threw up disturbing facts: two out of three children were physically abused and out of those children who had been physically abused in family situations, 88.6 per cent had been abused by parents. The World Health Organisation defines physical abuse as “the inflicting of physical injury upon a child” i.e. hitting, shaking, kicking, beating or otherwise harming a child physically. In addition to all this, 65 per cent of school-going children reported facing corporal punishment. This continues, despite a ban. Fear is one of the defining issues of our times. Many of us live in fear of failing our children and fear of our children failing. But if we accept the logic of fear-based parenting and the use of the stick to have our way with children, we must take the argument to its logical conclusion. A child has behavioural problems for many reasons. If brute strength can be used by an adult to get a child to behave in a way which the adult deems fit, why should not the child come to view it as an effective tool against other children who don’t do his/her bidding And with what moral authority will a parent who endorses violence tell a child not to be violent with other adults when s/he grows up If violence is permissible in one context, why not in others

The writer focuses on development issues in India and emerging economies.