Playing on parental paranoia

Parenting is clearly a tricky issue — everyone has more than two-bit to say on it, parent or otherwise! One can either choose to ignore it, argue, disagree or at best laugh it off. Except of course when it comes to your own child in which case, no amount of expert wisdom doled out is enough. In today’s times when expert-says on every child related issue is sprouting and disseminating at sonic speed, a concerned parent can never have enough of it. Or have too much of it. Or simply go neurotic. In such a scenario Rupa Publishers has astutely sought to provide hand-holding in the form of neatly packaged books with attractive covers and catchy titles by authors with impressive credentials. Call it the Parenting series, there’s Parenting in the Age of McDonald’s, Parenting in the Age of Anxiety and the third, Parenting in the Age of Facebook. More certainly are bound to follow. But till then, will the first three work

If the proof of the pudding is in the eating, then the relevancy of the book is clearly in the reading and how much one relates to it. Of the three, Parenting in the Age of Anxiety by Dr Zirak Marker reads the best because it does not talk-down-to but talks one-to-one across the table to the parent-reader in lucid terms without going overboard or entangling it all in mental speak. The book comes with a foreword by Neerja Birla, who says that “Dr Zirak Marker, in his inimitable style, has penned an absolute must-read for all parents.” That sums it perfectly.

With relevant and deep issues being tackled like academic stress and pressures and the unreal expectations of parents and schools; borderline personality disorder; sexuality, abuse and anxiety; teenage crises, eating disorders, experimentation and self- harm, Sherry’s story which goes straight to the heart; Learning disabilities and more, the book could have easily slipped into a ponderous number. Instead, Dr Marker, the renowned child and adult psychiatrist and psychotherapist, draws in the reader instantly with his handling of the issue and the manner of writing.

What establishes instant contact with the reader is that Dr Marker opens each chapter with personal case studies — the letter to the school from the mother who finds out in a hard way that her son is a special and how she comes to accept and deal with it; the accidentally found note of a class 8 student and a victim of bullying; the diary jottings of a young girl abused by her by Facebook friend — which is like being privy to the inner turmoil of present day youngsters without any voyeuristic elements. In fact the last chapter, Fatherhood, is just a letter from a father to his son Zayn who is now on the verge of fatherhood and nothing could have better conveyed what an involved father and parental anxiety is all about. Dr Marker provides explanations and solutions that seem doable and practical. In fact, it should be suggested reading for both parents and older teens.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of Parenting in the Age of McDonald’s. The author, Tanuja Sodhi, a diet and fitness consultant comes with an impressive bio-data: a member of the pioneering batch of women officers in the Indian Navy; a fellowship in applied nutrition, a Reebok fitness certification and an MBA (HR). The expertise in nutrition and fitness is all there but how it is put down and how it comes across is somewhat stiff and rather textbook-ish. At the very outset the author claims that the, “book is for you if you’re not looking for a thesis with medical jargons and terminology”, but its soon obvious that the book has a feel of a heavy-duty tome especially with all quotes from US personalities including Tom Vilsack, the US Secretary of Agriculture! And each chapter ends with a verdict, which unwittingly brings to mind the final thump of a gavel in the courtroom! Especially after the claim that the, “book writing journey couldn’t have happened without divine intervention. God proposed that I put my spare time to good use and the book emerged!”

The book goes into laborious details on how to ‘raise the fast-food generation’ but there tends to be many repetitions. Besides the streaming presentation without any visual breaks (some pictures or illustrations would have made it easier on the eye and the mind) translates into information overload. The book claims to be ‘chock-full of practical tips and real-life examples’ and one wished that there was more of latter and less of chock-full.

The third book, Parenting in the Age of Facebook, falls in between the other two. Marzia Hasan, the Toronto based author runs Family Connections International, a psychotherapy practice. She confesses straightaway that she is not an expert on social media or the Internet of even a computer whiz but wrote the book because, ‘I am a parent, like you, whose parenting world changed pretty much overnight’. As if to make up for that, the tone of the book is like an extended reportage packed with findings from surveys, studies and researches carried out by several agencies from Norton to Standard University. So, does that help At times, it does. At others, it becomes a tad tedious. But in fairness it must be said that Hassan makes a sincere effort to provide practical suggestions and the best steps that parents, most of whom by their own admission, ‘threw up their hands in despair, either because they were unaware of the pitfalls of letting their children roam freely on the worldwide web or because they were not active users of digital technology and, therefore, felt ill-equipped to handle it,’ can take. In brief, the 164 pages can be in Twitter lingo reduced to three-prong parental pointers: ‘accept that the age of technology is here to stay’; ‘examine your own relationship with technology’ and ‘develop a balanced but firm approach!

As for whether the Rupa parenting series will click – go check out Amazon’s bestseller list on parenting! Feeding on parental insecurity can be a lucrative trade! It is ironic though that the best sellers ever in the category still remain The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care by Dr Benjamin McLane Spock published in 1946, whose theory is that parents need to rely on their own instinct, common sense and their basic understanding of their child’s nature.